Your Unauthorized Guide to the Golden Age of National Lampoon Magazine
(1970-1975)

Unanswered

Unanswered questions only. The most recent questions are at the top of the page. Click here to see All Questions. (Tip: You can use the Find command in your web browser to search this page, or use the Search box at the bottom of the menu to search the entire site.)

If you would like to ask a question, you can email me at lampoon@marksimonson.com.

380. High School Kid Secret Agent

January 11, 2024 | Comments: 2 »

Q. One of the funniest stories I recall reading in the Lampoon was about a kid that tells a fantastical story about his exploits as a secret agent. I think the character’s name in the story was Chuck or Chuckie. Do you have any idea who wrote that story, what issue it was in or any information that might help me track it down?

A. Turns out, this question was already answered (#252 in 2010): “The Spy Who Wore Nothing,” by John Hughes from the August 1980 (Anxiety) issue. Thanks to Keith (who sent me this question) for figuring it out.

359. Margaret Thatcher in Underwear

January 27, 2012 | Comments: 1 »

Q: Do you remember a cartoon on the back cover of Margaret Thatcher in her underwear?

A: Mmm… No. But thanks a lot for giving me that mental picture. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a Comment.

358. Belushi “It’s My Baloney, Man” Bit

January 27, 2012 | Comments: 4 »

Q: I was wondering if you can tell me where I can find a clip of an old radio hour bit that we always imitated back in college. I believe it was a Belushi skit involving stoned out college guys living together and one always complaining that the other had raided the fridge and taken his baloney. He was always referring to “it’s my baloney, man”. I’m fairly certain it was from the radio hour series. The “it’s my baloney, man” became a private joke or saying between my college buddies.

I’m also looking for the clip where (I believe it was) Belushi’s Craig Baker character recited his own college drinking cheer, something like “Hey hey… hey hey hey”. This was also a refrain that we mimicked for years.

A: I remember the Craig Baker, character, but not either of those bits. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

349. “INCAR” Manifesto Satire

September 26, 2011 | Comments: None »

Q: I have a half typed copy of a satiric political manifesto called “INCAR: International Committee Against Reason”. I recall that it was in an anthology issue of some kind.

A: If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

346. Chicken Farts Cartoon

September 25, 2011 | Comments: 1 »

Q: I’m looking for a cartton that I believe was in an issue of National Lampoon back in the ’70s. It is quite simply the “Chicken Farts” cartoon. Two or three chickens walking around in a butcher shop with “Pfffft, Pfffft” coming from the chickens with a caption that reads “Chicken Farts, $.49 a pound”. Does this sound familiar and something that you remember being in an issue of NL?

A: If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

342. Mexican Buses Article

September 25, 2011 | Comments: 3 »

Q: I am looking for an issue from National Lampoon‘s magazine. It was from 1976, I believe, possibly 1975 or 1977. There was an article on Mexican buses. I was one of the models in the article and I was hoping to find a copy to show my husband and children.

A: If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

341. Heist Movie Parody Poster

September 25, 2011 | Comments: None »

Q: I’m almost positive this parody poster image appeared in the Lampoon. Would love to know the issue.

A: I don’t recall seeing it in the magazine. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

334. “Once Gods Roamed” Story

August 30, 2011 | Comments: 2 »

Q: Wasn’t there once a story titled something like “once gods roamed this place”? it had an illustration of a large football player and other figures walking down a street, larger than life…

A: Doesn’t ring a bell for me. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

332. Howard Chaykin “3-D” Illustration

August 30, 2011 | Comments: 2 »

Q: I’m trying to find out where this Howard Chaykin illustration was used. I’ve looked through back issues, but can’t find it anywhere.

A: I looks very familiar, but I don’t know where I’ve seen it before. A similar illustration, possibly by Chaykin, appears in a “house” ad in the June 1975, promoting the July 1975 (3-D) issue. The concept is the same, but it’s a one-eyed guy (and he’s not wearing a skimpy outfit). I wonder if perhaps this art was used in ads placed in other magazines (e.g., Rolling Stone) to promote the 3-D issue? That may be where I remember it from. I checked several issues back in NL, thinking it might be in another house ad, and didn’t see it.

If anyone else can solve this mystery, please post it in a comment.

323. Photo of Huge Biker with Axe Handle

August 3, 2011 | Comments: 1 »

Q: There was a photo of a huge biker with an axe handle in one hand. The caption read “Our collection department…” I believe it was an ad for the magazine. Any idea on which issue or if the photo is available?

A: That doesn’t quite sound like the Lampoon to me, but could be. I don’t remember it, in any case. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

320. Photo of Someone Slamming Phone Down

August 3, 2011 | Comments: None »

Q: I am trying to find a photograph that accompanied an article. Simply, the photo is someone about to slam down the phone. More accurately the person in the image is fully extended, arm well above the head. The phone cord extending below the feet was my first clue he is hovering above the desk, about to really slam the phone.

A: I’m drawing a blank on that one. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

308. Aesop Brothers Strip: Middleborough, MA

June 14, 2011 | Comments: 4 »

Q: I am trying to find a copy of the issue with the Aesop Brothers cartoon about how my home town, Middleborough, MA, described in it as the “Most Boring Town in America”.

A: I’m stumped. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

307. Howard Chaykin in a Foto Funnies Strip?

June 14, 2011 | Comments: None »

Q: I think I have almost all of the issues in which Howard Chaykin’s work appeared, except for one. I hear that he appeared in one of the Foto Funnies strips.

A: I’m sorry, I don’t know. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

306. “Basketball Air” For Sale

June 14, 2011 | Comments: None »

Q: I remember a tongue in cheek classified ad about “Basketball Air” for sale, not sure if it was the magazine or perhaps the Yearbook parody.

A: I’ve got nothing. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

305. Big “O” on Pedestal Cartoon

June 14, 2011 | Comments: 6 »

Q: Many years ago, in my youth, I saw a black and white cartoon that I wish I had saved. The cartoon showed a group of aboriginal types bowed down, worshipping a big “0” on a pedestal. There were two missionaries present and one said to the other, “Is nothing sacred?” Any idea if it was a NL cartoon? Gahan Wilson did s similar cartoon, but his was color and the people were more contemporary. On another website, someone commented that it may have been in the NL issue that had Che Guevara getting a pie in his face on the cover.

A: I can confirm that it wasn’t that issue. Other than that, I don’t know. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

295. Nude Blonde in Subscription Ad

May 18, 2011 | Comments: 1 »

Q: There was a subscription ad featuring a nude blonde woman, I think in the ’70s, saying something like “if you subscribe, we’ll be able to get her clothes.” Which issue, and what was the name of the model?

A: That sounds familiar, but I couldn’t find the ad. I seriously doubt if the name of the model can be determined. It’s not the sort of thing they included in the credit info back then. In any case, if you, dear reader, know the answers to any of these questions, please post it in a comment.

274. ZZ Top as the Three Wise Men

February 28, 2011 | Comments: 1 »

Q: There was christmas story where ZZ Top were the 3 wise men, and it read like Bible verse. Any ideas?

A: No idea. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

270. Test Pressing of “That’s Not Funny…”

February 21, 2011 | Comments: 1 »

Q: Any idea what an actual vinyl test pressing of “That’s Not Funny, That’s Sick” is worth as a collectible?

A: No idea. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

258. Bruce McCall’s Real Ad Work

November 22, 2010 | Comments: 3 »

Q: In what old magazines would I find Bruce McCall’s genuine illustrated advertisements? I heard that he painted ads for Mercedes before he joined the Poon.

A: That’s a really good question, but I don’t know the answer. I would love to see them, too. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

254. Photo of Viscount H. Goatlips

November 22, 2010 | Comments: 1 »

Q: I am looking for a photo of Viscount H. Goatlips, who appeared in several issues of National Lampoon in the early 1980s. Can you help?

A: No, but if you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

253. “Discretion Is Our Watch-Word” Aesop Bros. Strip

November 22, 2010 | Comments: None »

Q: Do you recall which issue had the Aesop Brothers strip in which they’d hung out their shingle as private detectives? I remember one panel that had a sign on top of their car with the line, “Discretion Is Our Watch-Word.”

A: I do, but I don’t know which issue. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

241. Maxfield Parrish Parody/Cartoon

June 16, 2010 | Comments: 1 »

Q: I recall a beautiful three-panel cartoon done in a Maxfield Parrish style called “Who Dropped the Orange on the Fairy?”

A: Don’t remember that one. Duane in the Comments says it might be from the Harvard Lampoon. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

229. “Hoots & Toots”

May 26, 2010 | Comments: None »

Q: Don’t know if this was in National Lampoon but I remember reading a strip about “Hoots & Toots” in a humor magazine. They were a couple from another planet who had been transported to our planet through a radio. The one line I remember is when they came to earth one said to the other “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore” and the radio repair guy says “Yeah you don’t sound anything like Kansas.” I think he then became their agent because they were musicians. Ring any bells?

A: If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

200. Gay Charles Atlas Ad Parody

March 4, 2010 | Comments: 4 »

Q: Do you know what issue or where I can find the spoof ad of “the insult that made a man out of Mac?” The parody comic starts the same as the original until Mac returns to the beach. Rather than punching the bully, he kicks him in the junk. Mac seems to feel sorry for the bully and they start to bond. With the girl friend looking on in disgust, they begin to develop a gay attraction. The closing scene is Mac and the bully embracing on the beach in the sunset. I’m almost sure this was a Lampoon parody.

A: They did do a few parodies of those ads, but I’m not remembering this one. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

190. “Our Founder” Cartoon

January 19, 2010 | Comments: None »

Q: Looking for an old cartoon for a friend. The cartoon was about the artificial insemination foundation. Someone is sitting at a desk, and behind them a photo of a penis that says, “Our founder”. If anyone has a copy of this cartoon, or a volume number that I can find it.

A: If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

189. Christmas Vacation Candle Holders

January 12, 2010 | Comments: None »

Q: Looking for information about (brand, maker, etc.) or where I can get the candlestick holders they have in National Lampoon‘s Christmas Vacation movie on their dinner table.

A: No idea. If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

177. Sanitized Recording of “Magical Misery Tour”

September 20, 2009 | Comments: None »

Q: When Radio Dinner was first released, I heard an edited version of Magical Misery Tour that was as funny as the unedited version. Any idea where it cam from. It aired on WBCN, Boston but I am almost certain it was not a in-station production piece.

A: If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

167. Rock Concert Commercial Parody

September 13, 2009 | Comments: None »

Q: I remember a great track from the 70’s that I’m sure was on a National Lampoon album, but can’t remember it’s title or find it! It was a satire of the Rock concert radio adverts of the time and some of the phrases I can remember included: “Dino Dinosaurus presents…” “117 of the greatest lead guitarists ever assembled live on stage” “3 shoe-warping shows” “…could melt bricks” I think the track started with one of the supposed group saying something like “I’m a vampire…”

A: If you, dear reader, know the answer, please post it in a comment.

162. “X Eggs Any Style” Cartoon

August 10, 2009 | Comments: 2 »

Q: I’m trying to find a NatLamp cartoon that had a picture of the interior of a diner, and on the wall was a menu with prices for “1 egg any style, 2 eggs any style”, etc., and continues into the hundreds of eggs “any style”. Do you remember in what issue that ran? I’d guess it was in the ’80s. Thanks for your help!

A: A single-panel cartoon is very difficult to find if I don’t specifically remember it. This one sounds familiar, but I have no idea which issue it would have appeared in. If anyone else knows, please post it in a comment.

160. Dog Unravels Dress

August 10, 2009 | Comments: 1 »

Q: There was an issue with a strip where I believe a dog grabbed a string on a lady’s dress and the dress unraveled. Do you know what issue that was?

A: Sorry, that doesn’t ring any bells. If anyone else knows the answer, please post it in a comment.

159. Santa’s Elves Cartoon

August 10, 2009 | Comments: None »

Q: I am looking for the issue that had a cartoon that had Santa’s Elves in an assembly line, making dolls.
The elf at the end of the line that was putting the “Head” on the doll, was about to run out of heads to put on the dolls. He (or she) asked Santa: “Hey Santa, How ’bout a little head?” Santa replied something like “Perverts like you shouldn’t be making children’s toys.”

A: Sounds sort of familiar, but I don’t know which issue that would be. If anyone knows, post it in a comment.

156. “Night Before Christmas” Watergate Poem

July 7, 2009 | Comments: 2 »

Q: I am looking for the poem on Watergate that was presented during a radio show and may have been on the missing tape record. The poem used the structure of “T’was the Night Before Christmas.”

A: I’m almost positive that nothing like that ever appeared in National Lampoon, on the Radio Hour, and definitely not on the “Missing Whitehouse Tapes” LP. It was probably in some other publication or other. Mad magazine, perhaps. In any case, if anyone else remembers it, please post it in a comment.

153. Geoffrey Holden Credit

May 15, 2009 | Comments: None »

Q: Geoffrey Holder is listed as a performer on the “Classic National Lampoon 4-CD Boxed Set”, but I have not been able to find any performer credits for each routine. Please let me know which routines on the National Lampoon LPs and CD’s are performed by Holder.

A: The “Boxed Set” contains the previous NL albums “That’s Not Funny, That’s Sick”, “The White Album”, “The Greatest Hits of the National Lampoon“, and “Sex, Drugs, Rock And Roll, & the End of the World”. I have all of these albums (except “Greatest Hits”, which contains only previously released tracks, all of which I have on other albums), and I don’t see his name listed anywhere. Or, perhaps I missed it. If anyone else knows what, if anything, Mr. Holder did on National Lampoon albums, please post it in a comment. (It might help refresh your memory to know that Mr. Holder was the Caribbean guy with the deep voice in those 7-UP “uncola” ads back in the seventies and eighties.)

147. “Be A Cop” Fake Ad

March 19, 2009 | Comments: 2 »

Q: Here’s a tough one for you (I think) because I’ve looked for over 15 years for this issue and been unable to find it. There was a mock ad in a National Lampoon that said “be a cop” and had a picture of a police officer suggestively holding a young boy’s hand, as well as some other strange/immoral cop activity. Any idea what issue this was from?

A: Well, you’re right. I’m stumped. If anyone else knows, please post it in a comment..

146. Dan Quayle GOP Plot

March 15, 2009 | Comments: 1 »

Q: After Matheson took over, they started a feature in the back called the yellow pages. During the Bush the 1st years, there was a fake story about how the Republicans were going to put something in the water supply to dumb down the American people to the point where they would believe Dan Quayle was smart enough to be the next president. Any idea which issue this was? Thanks a lot.

A: I checked through all the issues in which that feature ran (which was actually called “The Yellow Journal”), but couldn’t find it. If anyone else knows, please post it in a comment.

145. History of Rock and Roll

March 15, 2009 | Comments: 1 »

Q: Was wondering if you remember what issues the one page History of Rock and Roll and the Beat The Meatles “interview” appeared?

A: “Beat The Meatles” appeared in the October 1977 (Beatles) issue, but I don’t know when the other item appeared. If anyone else knows, please post it in a comment.

135. Nazi G.I. Joe Dolls

January 13, 2009 | Comments: 2 »

Q: Was there a cover or story where some G.I. Joe dolls were dressed as Nazis marching little Jewish Pillsbury doughboys into an oven?

A: It was definitely not a cover and I don’t recall seeing anything like that in the magazine. Reader Duane says, definitely not the ‘Poon, and that sounds right to me. If anyone else remembers what this was from, please post it in a comment.

130. “Dear Santa Klaus von Bulow”

December 8, 2008 | Comments: None »

Q: A long time ago there was a “Dear Santa Klaus von Bulow” piece in National Lampoon which my buddy subscribed to. We were both around 13 years old at the time and we were way too young to understand the satire at the time but years later started cracking up upon putting it all together. I remember it was a Christmas list addressed to “Santa Klaus von Bulow” and included requests such as hypodermic needles. Do you have any recollection of this?

A: I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that one. I tried doing a text search on the Lampoon DVD, but no luck. If anyone else knows the answer, please post it in a comment.

129. Principal’s Guide to Acceptable Textbooks

December 1, 2008 | Comments: None »

Q: I’m trying to find a copy of the Principal’s Guide to Acceptable Textbooks or something similar. It was hilarious. No matter how horribly the books were defaced, the principal OK’d them for reuse. There was a picture of George Washington smoking a cigarette by his horse that I still laugh about.

A: It sounds like the History textbook parody in the 1964 High School Yearbook Parody, but it doesn’t match your description. I thought it might be in the 199th Birthday Book, but apparently not. If anyone else knows where this appeared, please post it in a comment.

126. Are You a Preppie/Burn-out? Posters

November 24, 2008 | Comments: 1 »

Q: I recall that in some of the late ’70s/early ’80s issue NL did these kind of illustrated posters where it was “Are you a Burnout” or “Are you a Preppie” and they would be annotated illustrations showing all the various things each genre of person has. The druggie/burnout one stands out to me, and I remember that Merit cigarettes were part of it.

A: Sounds kind of familiar, but I can’t place it. If anybody else knows, please post it in a comment.

123. “Pig Farmer McSwill” Cartoon

October 27, 2008 | Comments: None »

Q: I was just visiting your site and wondered if you might know if there was ever a cartoon in National Lampoon that featured character named Pig Farmer McSwill. He’s at a store looking for something to get one of his pigs in the mood to reproduce. He has his daughter sample it because he says “She’s such a fine judge of quality animal tranquilizers.” If this rings a bell please let me know.

A: Sorry, I don’t recall that one, and a quick text search of the National Lampoon DVD turned up nothing. If someone else knows, please post it in a comment.

120. Satan Paintings

August 11, 2008 | Comments: 2 »

Q: Years ago (1976-1981, I think), National Lampoon featured an issue on Satan. They had some excellent airbrushing/paintings of Satan in a circle. Various poses. The one I am looking for featured Satan in a circle playing an electric guitar. Do you know what issue this may have been. Looking to get that airbrushed on my bike. Thanks for any help.

A: That doesn’t sound familiar at all. Are you sure it was National Lampoon? The only issues I recall that might have had something like that are the January ’82 (Sword and Sorcery) issue or the June ’86 (Horror and Fantasy) issue, but nothing in either of those issues matches your description. (If anyone reading this is familiar with these paintings, please use the comments to help this guy out.)

118. “Schickelgruber’s”

June 20, 2008 | Comments: 1 »

Q: Does anyone remember a National Lampoon story about the opening of a franchise called Schickelgruber’s, in which the muzac was a loop of the Hogan’s Heroes theme. I believe I first read it somewhere between ’75 and ’82. The chief protagonist, whose name I forget, did the young waitress on the counter, near the end. “As he loosed himself in her ruby youth,” a most memorable line, he asked, “what kind of birth control do you use.” The reply went something like “prayer, she hissed.” I’m almost sure it was a NL story, but not quite. I’m out of leads. Ideas anybody?

A: It didn’t ring a bell with me, so I did a search for “hogan’s heroes” on the National Lampoon Complete DVD, but nothing useful came up. If anyone knows the answer, please post it in a comment.

116. “The Interview” Cartoon

February 3, 2007 | Comments: None »

Q: I’m looking for an old cartoon from National Lampoon (probably 1980-86) that was called “The Interview”. It had two panels. 1st panel: “Although a sense of humor is a plus, never attempt to entertain.” 2nd panel: “No mater how nervous before an interview, never attempt to calm yourself with alcohol or barbiturates.” The drawings were hilarious.

A: Cartoons are the most difficult to find unless I happen to remember it, and I don’t remember this one. Anyone else remember it? Post a comment below if you do.

97. European Vacation German Bar Song

January 6, 2006 | Comments: 1 »

Q: I am searching for a song from “National Lampoon‘s European Vacation” that was played in the one of the nightclubs (perhaps german in speech).
It was a tecno-dance song that a female was singing. The nightclub (which I am not sure what the name of was) was playing this “cut” during the sequence when the parents find the kids in the club/bar and are somewhat lecturing to the kids. Do you know the title of this song?

A: I really have no idea. I haven’t seen that movie since it was in theaters and only vaguely remember that scene. If anyone else knows, please post it in a comment.

95. Mad Vandal Songster

December 26, 2004 | Comments: 6 »

Q: Who sings the theme song to the Mad Vandal, the one called The Crap
Has Been Here And Gone
?

A: I have no idea. Maybe someone else knows. (If you, dear reader, know, please post the answer in a comment.)

93. Outdoor Life/Field & Stream Parody

May 25, 2004 | Comments: 1 »

Q: Do you recall a section of an issue that took off on Outdoor Life/Field & Stream, articles written by Buck “Buck” Buck?

A: It sounds very familiar, but I can’t place it. Perhaps some kind reader will know and post a comment below to answer it.

81. “Fartman” Music

March 3, 2004 | Comments: 4 »

Q: On the National Lampoon White Album there is a track called “Fartman.” My question is this: The track opens with a exciting fanfare/march piece of music, and continues throughout the track. I have spent almost a year trying to find out where this short piece of music came from? Who composed it? Did it come from a “stock music” collection? There was one other time, on some old TV program, where I heard the music separate from the Rodger Bumpass dialogue. I have the album, and there isn’t a hint of a “written by” credit on it. I have checked ASCAP and BMI. Of those two, there is only one single reference to a song called “Fartman,” and it is written by Toni Visconti. It’s possible that this is the one, but I don’t think so. Mr. Visconti wasn’t composing and arranging to that level. It’s a great Superman-like piece of music. If you have any sources you (or I) could check (someone at National Lampoon would probably know, or could find out), I’d be very grateful. This has been a long time quest now. I know that Howard Stern used the theme (straight off the NL record itself) for his “Fartman” bits, but it’s never been released by him, so there’s nothing to check and look for a songwriting credit. Someone must know where this little piece of rousing music comes from. Any help or pointers you can provide would be great!

A: I have no idea, but I would be very surprised if it was written and recorded for the bit on the LP. Most likely it was stock music, especially if you heard the same music in some other context. Incidentally, the script is taken almost word for word from a Foto Funny that appeared in the magazine in the June 1979 (Kids) issue. (If anyone knows the answer to this, please post it in a comment.)

74. Possible “Appletons” Story

February 2, 2004 | Comments: 5 »

Q: I once read a comic that was similar to or may have been “The Appletons” in which a preteen seduces a man, teacher, or Mr. Appleton. With a motel key hidden in her vagina she takes him there, gets her cookies, he splits at which time her preteen friends come from hiding in the closet all wanting to get fitted for a key of their own. What comic was this called and where did I see it back in the mid 80’s?

A: Sounds a little too raunchy for “The Appletons.” Anyway, I have no idea. If anyone knows the answer, please post it in a comment.

62. Children’s Book Publisher Cartoon

November 11, 2003 | Comments: None »

Q: I have been searching for a cartoon I saw but have been unable to find in any of my issues. The scene is of a typical office setting, 2 guys at in front and behind a desk, company name is “____ Children’s Book Publishers.” The caption is “We’re letting you go Jones, Your work’s not worth doo-doo.” Ring any bells?

A: It sounds kind of familiar, but one panel cartoons are the tough. Either I remember them or I don’t, and this one I don’t. If anybody else remembers this one, please post it in a comment.

32. “The Sunshine Room”

August 29, 1998 | Comments: None »

Q: I was wondering if you knew in which issue the story “The Sunshine Room” (or it could be “Our Lady of St. Pistacio”) written by NatLamp editor Larry Sloman appeared.

A: I looked, but couldn’t find it. Sloman became editor with the December ’84 issue and wrote for the magazine at least through the early ’90s. I checked issues back to ’77 and I didn’t see anything by him before he was editor. Sorry. (Know the answer to this question? Use the comments below and take a shot at it.)