COVER: Photograph uncredited; Cartoon by Peter Bramley
See also: The Inside Story on the Cover Photo of Issue No. 1
Editorial, By Henry Beard, Doug Kenney, and Robert K. Hoffman; Illustration by Peter Bramley
What first appears to be a bald attempt to fill space segues into a facetious statement of editorial policy.
Letters, From the Editors
Horrorscope, Text uncredited [Doug Kenney]; Illustration by Gail Burwen
Celebrities’ futures predicted through reading the entrails of sacrificial animals
Mrs. Agnew’s Diary, Uncredited [Doug Kenney]
Pat and Dick invite Judy and Spiggy to lunch in the upstairs room. The rambling text sets the tone for what would become a popular column, though not much happens in this first installment.
Uncle Tom’s Column, Uncredited [Beard?]
A handy lexicon of common black terms for use by white employers to enable them to better ingratiate themselves to their black employees.
People Are…, By Tamara Gould [George W. S. Trow]; Photographs by Michael Sullivan
Vapid high-society banter on the trendiest of the trendsetters and what they’re doing.
Son of Homo Sapiens, Uncredited [Kenney?]
What got cut from bad old sci-fi movies to adapt them for late night television broadcast.
Sex Section Introduction, Uncredited; Illustration by Bill Skurski
Sex Through the Ages, By Richard Armour; Illustrations by Arnold Roth
Awful jokes and bad puns posing as a scholarly overview of the history of sex.
White House Romance, By Steve Kaplan; Illustrations by Jorg (?)
Romance comic book parody featuring David Eisenhower and Julie Nixon in which we follow Julie’s valiant efforts to remain a virgin, marriage notwithstanding. Plus, and ad parody for Richard of Pennsylvania Avenue’s Magic Formula #1776 which, it is claimed, can rid you of unwanted political agitators and hippy scum for the low price of only $1.98.
Michael O’Donoghue’s Pornocopia, By Michael O’Donoghue; Illustration by Charles E. White III
Clichéed pornographic stories cast in various literary styles
Oh! Hefner!, By Mark MacArthur; Photographs by Fred Burrell
A parody of a Playboy centerfold pictorial in which the subject (a young woman named Penelope Plastique who’s interests–revealed in the condescending accompanying text—include women’s rights, underwater mineral research, the poor, and playing cymbals) apparently poses for the nude centerfold photo only after getting smashing drunk.
Playbore’s Party Jokes, By Doug Kenney
The requisite joke page following the centerfold, which read like dirty jokes, but without punchlines.
The Schoenstein Report, By Ralph Schoenstein; Photographs by Ogden Goelet; Graphs by Dennis Hermanson
Dr. Schoenstein presents the results of his not-so-scientific survey on the sexual behavior of residents of Yonkers, N.Y., assuring the reader that his belief that all sex is perversion will in no way affect his conclusions.
Mondo Perverto Magazine, By Michael O’Donoghue and Tamara Gould [George W. S. Trow]; Designed by Dennis Hermanson
A magazine which covers the world of bizarre practices, sexual and otherwise. Filled with curious photos lifted from a variety of sources, including some ludicrous pornographic ones. The layout is a chaotic collage and feels very low-budget, though it’s hard to tell whether this was intentional.
I, a Splurch, By John Weidman; Illustrations by Peter Bramley
A lewd parody of Dr. Seuss concerning a ill-fated young bird’s journey of sexual awakening
Rockwall’s Erotic Engravings, By Doug Kenney; Illustrations by Peter Bramley
Parody of an Avant-Garde magazine ad. Unbelievably, the target of this parody appears in the same issue 17 pages earlier. Also includes what is purported to be an erotic engraving by “Norman Rockwall.”
The Kuku Sutra, By Roger Price; Photographs by Michael Sullivan
Parody of the Kama Sutra, accompanied by photographs of a couple wearing fairly un-sexy underwear. Describes various sexual techniques and perversions, all of which sound more lurid than they are.
Sex Poems, By Patrick Coffey; Illustration by Lone Wolf
Five sexy poems—sexy, that is, unless you happen to be human.
Dirty Linen, Uncredited
An exchange of memos between ad adgency execs trying to come up with a name for a laundry detergent that harnesses the persuassive power of sex.
Goth of the Month, Written and illustrated by Rick Meyerowitz
Featuring Jacqueline Susann
The April Best-Seller List, Uncredited
Capsule reviews of non-existent books by popular authors.
Love Letters of Aristotle Onassis, Uncredited; Photograph by UPI
The supposed letters Onassis sent to woo Jackie Kennedy. Written in hopelessly broken English by a man who has apparently learned everything he knows about Jackie from reading trashy movie star magazines.
Five Ages of Woman, Cartoon by David McClelland
How Old Is That Chestnut?, Uncredited [Kenney?]
Revelation that Shakespeare is the source of risque jokes.
Puzzle Page, Uncredited
“The Best from the First 54 Years of Mondo Breasto Puzzle Magazine“