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Conceived as a sequel to the 1964 High School Yearbook Parody (1974), The Dacron Republican-Democrat exists in the same Dacron, Ohio world, but fourteen years later. The C. Estes Kefauver High School class of ’64, now adults, appear here and there in the paper as business owners, politicians, police officers, and even murder victims, but the broader city and populace of Dacron are the stars of this very accurate facsimile of a typical midwestern American newspaper. It’s about 2/3 the size of real newspapers of the time, but printed on actual newsprint, in sections containing everything you would expect in a real Sunday edition of a newspaper, including new, editorials, features, ads, advertising supplements, and of course full-color comics. Like the 1964 High School Yearbook Parody, it’s extremely funny (especially for those familiar with the real thing) with an unbelievable level of attention to detail.

A reissue of the special issue was published in 2004, but unfortunately as a bound trade paperback on (gasp!) glossy, bright white paper. Unfortunately, the newsprint on the 1978 edition ages just as poorly as the real thing. My copy is getting very yellowed and fragile. That’s one argument for the 2004 reissue.

Copies of both the 1978 newsprint edition and the 2004 reissue can be had on eBay, although for somewhat more than the original $2.95 cover price.

Contents

Dacron Republican-Democrat, Sunday, February 12, 1978

Section A: News and Opinion, 16 pages
Powder Room Prowler Strikes Anew; Two Dacron Women Feared Missing in Volcanic Disaster, Japan Destroyed; ads for Paymore Liquors, The Toy Pile toy store; Rosengerg’s Department Store.

Section B: Metro – Local News – More Local News, 8 pages
Powder Room Prowler – A Psychological Profile; Miss Cerebral Palsy Found Safe As Kidnap Suspect Nabs Self; Local High School News; Church News; Obituaries; City Council Notes; Farm News; Black Slant On The News; Ads for Jax Slax Shax and Food Clown supermarket.

Section C: Living Life – Cooking – Cleaning – Taking Care of the Kids, 4 pages
Midwinter Fashion Preview; Is Your Child A Dip?; Dear Dorothy; Wedding Announcements and Engagements; Ladies Weekly Television Review; Social Notes; Housewife Humor; Ads for Cruller’s Milady’s Smartwear & Teen-Togery, Finkle’s Department Store, House of Housewares.

Section D: Sports – Local High School Sports – Local Sports – Sports – Classified Ads, 4 pages
DEJC Coach Confident Of Dinosaur Walkover; Netster To Net More $; They’re Off And Sliding; Snowmobiles Are Fun; Drowning Tips; Which Fish Is Which?; Ads for Van Husen Trailers, Look-Nu Auto Parts, Three Colonels Surplus Store, Axis Motors, Inc., Gangway Cycle Sales

Section E: Leisure – Entertainment – Also, The Arts, 12 pages
Dacron Film Festival Opens Here; TV Violence: How Little Is Too Much?; The Culture Beat; Comic Larry Storch Will Visit Dacron; Toots Arnold’s TV Mail Pouch; TV Schedule; Under The Rock (column) by the editors of Rolling Rock magazine; Movie Reviews; Best Sellers; Book Reviews; Ads for Woofer’s Hi-Fi Stereo Shed, WONK Radio, Quainttown Artsy-Craft Cinema, Moonview Drive-In, Aqueerian All Male Art Theatre, Bolshoi Tractor Theater, Miss Steak restaurant, Lude’s – Dacron’s Loudest Disco, movie ads for Close Encounters of the First Kind, Blazing Jews, Earth Wars, That Darn Nutty Professor’s 10,001 Poodles Meet Herbie and Grandson of Flubber on the Island of Living Death, and lots of fake book ads.

Section F: Travel – Real Estate – Travel – Home Repair and Your Pet, 6 pages
Windsor, Detroit’s Canadian Cousin; Our Twin City, Dacrõn, Pakistan; Michigan’s Upper Peninsula – The Water Wonderland’s Proud Bonnet; Home Of The Week; Fill ‘er Up With High Test Comfort – Ex-Service Station Is Extra Terrific Home; Real Estate Listings; Ads for Air Ohio, Am-Rail, Pacific Trawler Cruises, Living Play Things (pet store), Lucky Buck Dude Farm, The Pet Parlour, Lumberland, Furniture-in-the-Rough (Dacron’s Largest Un-Built Furniture Store), Wally’s Wall-to-Wall Village, Hackleweeze Nursing Home, Pay and Pay Convenience Stores.

Swillmart Advertising Supplement, 8 pages (full color)
“Where Quality Is a Slogan” Featured products: “Lo-Roller Tires,” Perpetual Lunch Meat, Armpit Dryer, Motor Butter, Men’s 2-Piece Suit (one size fits all), Liquid Carpet, Swillmont Wine, NoNamo Instant Viewfinder Camera, Turf Torch Lawn Leveler, 5-in-1 Snack Paste, and much more.

Sunday Week Magazine, 16 pages (color covers)
Cover Story: Miss Teen-Age Dacron 1978; St. Valentine – Patron Saint of “Honeys,” “Sweeties,” “Hug-a-Bunnies,” “Snookums,” and “Tootsie-Wootsies”; Dacron’s “Gay” Scene; Little Canada: A touch of “up there” right over here; The Lighter Side of Stuff (by Biff Lighter); Crossword Puzzle; Dacron Then & Now; Camps & Schools; Ads for Rollerama, Fun ‘n Friends ‘n Food Dance and Supper Club, Top of the Building Restaurant, Moose-Headed Knights of Sgt. Garcia, Fireplace Village, Lo-Cost Home Builders, The Hair Thing I, II, III, The Kitchen Kabinet Kompany, R.W. Mulch “America’s Foremost Seedsman,” South Central Ohio Telephone and Telegraph Bell, Buckeye Cola.

Pomade Magazine [parody of Parade Magazine], 16 pages (color covers)
Cover Story: America’s Love Affair with Weekends; Sir Walter Scott’s Personality Pomade; Are You a Creative Person?; Pomade Special: Intelligence Investigation; Marshmallow Magic; Learning the ABC’s of School Reform; Jest for Laughs; Pomade of Progress; Ads for The Half-a-Book-of-the-Month Club, Guilty Christians’ Fund, Inc., 11 tapes for 29 cents, Wonderful House Mail-a-Meal, The Great Couples of America Collection, X-Clusive Fashions, Inc., Nobil Oil Company, Great Book Edges, Inc.

All Your Favorite Comics, 8 pages (full color)
Featuring Grommets [Peanuts parody]; That’s Our Dad! [Blondie parody]; Snail Daley [Beetle Bailey parody]; Francine [Cathy parody]; Smarm [Precious Moments parody]; Uncle Bunk [Cappy Dick parody]; Wannagett High [Archie parody]; Looneswhoopee [Doonesbury parody]; Keeping Up with the Joneses [family strip parody]; Helen Helper [Mary Worth parody]; Capt. “Nip” Kicker [Steve Canyon parody]; All the Girls in Apartment 4-F [Apartment 3-G parody]; Squirrel-Man [Spider-Man parody]; True! But False! [Believe It or Not! parody]; Wiggly’s Knowledge Quiz [Wrigley Gum ad parody]; The Eyes Have It [Grin and Bear It parody]; Prince Belligerent [Prince Valiant parody]; Cavemen [B.C. parody]; Hilly Bill [Lil’ Abner parody]; Horrid the Hun [Hagar the Horrible parody].

Conceived and edited by P.J. O’Rouke. Designed and art directed by Skip Johnston. Associate Editor: John Hughes. Writers: P.J. O’Rourke, John Hughes, Ted Mann, Tod Carroll. Swillmart Advertising Supplement written and illustrated by Bruce McCall. Pomade magazine written and edited by Danny Abelson and Ellis Weiner. Sunday Week magazine edited by Ted Mann. “Keeping Up with the Joneses” comics written and illustrated by Shary Flenniken. Additional material by Bruce McCall, Douglas C. Kenney, and Denis Boyles. Assistant Art Director: Muney Gurson. Assistant Art Director—Ads: Alan Rose.

Cover artist: Andy Lackow. Contributing artists: Virginia Hanlon, Enrique Suescún, Frank Springer, Joseph Russo, Al Bates, Bob Larkin, Randy Enos, Warren Sattler, Judy Jacklin, David Pieratt, Skip Wells, Mary Wilshire, Jerry Breen, Herb Dumaresq, Irv Novick, Roger Tomlinson, Karen Mastropietro, Frank Heller, Jane Ziegler, David Air. Comic artists: Warren Sattler, Frank Springer, John Hugues, John Workman, Chris Browne, Frank Furlong, Randy Enos.