252. “The Spy Who Wore Nothing”

Q: I seem to remember a story about a nerdy kid that is visited in the night by a naked woman who then takes him to meet other naked women, they have all kinds of sex and they make him some sort of spy. Then they go back to his high school and shoot terrorists. I think in the story that a hot girl comes up and says “I think you’re really cool”, then he says “Fuck off, slut”. Ring a bell?

A: Never read it, but it was pretty easy to find by doing a text search of “fuck off, slut” on the National Lampoon Complete DVD. It was a piece by John Hughes, one of his regular “Big John’s Couch-Time Stories for Men” columns, called “The Spy Who Wore Nothing”, from the August 1980 (Anxiety) issue.