Your Unauthorized Guide to the Golden Age of National Lampoon Magazine
(1970-1975)

May 1971, Vol. 1, No. 14 / The Future

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“COVER:┬áThis month’s cover was the result of close teamwork between artist Gray Morrow and photographer Neil Armstrong, and , in case you didn’t notice, the only thing that went right with this pig-iron albatross of an issue. Better luck next month, Hank and Doug.”

Flash Gordon and Dale Arden get a big laugh out of Buzz Aldrin’s clumsy space suit.

Contents

Letter From the Editor, By Doug Kenney
In a top-secret project, a man has been sent one year into the future and back. While the excact data from the experiment are still classified, Kenney offers readers a list of specific precautions for the coming year

Letters, Uncredited; Illustration by Marvin Mattleson

Mrs. Agnew’s Diary, Uncredited (Doug Kenney); Illustration by Marvin Mattleson
David and Julie pay Judy and Spiggy a suprise visit

Horrorscope, Uncredited (Doug Kenney); Illustration by Marvin Mattleson
The futures of various celebrities seen through a crystal ball

Contest Results, Illustration uncredited (probably Michael Gross)
Results of the Trygve Lie Memorial International Pun Toss & Yokohama Throw–two pages of puns submitted by readers

Contest: New Contest, Illustration by Marvin Mattleson
Readers are asked to submit new contests

News of the Month, Uncredited (Henry Beard); Illustration by Marvin Mattleson
Jean-Claude Duvalier wins Haiti election by a 2,143,296 to 0 landslide; Advertising ideas for the U.S. Army; Following the Beatles’ break up, other groups, such as the Supreme Court, The Joint Chiefs of Staff, and the Democratic Party are rumored to be calling it quits; Breakdown of planned government expenditures to find a cure for cancer

The Good Old Future, Cartoons by Arnold Roth

The 1906 National Lampoon, By Doug Kenney; Cover illustration by Michael Gross
“Droll Caprice—Saucy Wit”

Toilets of the Extraterrestrials, Cartoons by Peter Bramley
The appearance of the creatures which use these plumbing devices is tactfully left to the imagination of the reader

A Look at the Future, Cartoon by R.O. Blechman
Videophone problems

Special “IF” Section, By Henry Beard
A full-sized pull-out newsprint broadside featuring page 1 and 2 of the May 12, 1971 edition of The New York World-–a newspaper which went out of business near the turn of the century. The stories and photos appear to be from an alternate version of the 20th century where World War II and the Vietnam War never happened; the Bolshevik Revolution failed; and Richard Nixon is a patent attorney who happens to be mentioned in a small item about a beached whale

Three Novel Ways To Fathom Your Fate, By Michael O’Donoghue; Illustrated by Al Derfer
Incuding: varicose veins, Tarot cards, and alphabet soup

Weerd Tayls, By Michel Choquette and Sean Kelly; Illustrated by Frank Springer
A comic book from the year 2571–apparently written by and for cockroaches–about a frightening monster who has traveled in time from the past: an insurance salesman

Foto Funnies, Uncredited (features Doug Kenney)
Nixon joke:
(A robot alien suddenly appears before a young man, played by Kenney)
Robot Alien: “Take me to your leader.”
Young Man: (pictures Nixon)
Robot Alien: (waiting)
Young Man: (sits up like a dog) “Arf! Arf!”

City of the Future, By Gray Morrow
An artist’s conception of the slum of the future [Not entirely unlike the Los Angeles depicted in the movie Blade Runner–MS]

Johnson Remembers, By Terry Catchpole; Illustrated by Rick Meyerowitz
Memoirs of the former President supposedly to be published in 1972

The NASA Sutra, By Michael O’Donoghue; Photography uncredited
“A Zero Gravity Sex Manual” written in NASA jargon

Attack of the 90 Foot Macrobes, By Michael O’Donoghue
A short, absurd monster movie spoof

But You Hadn’t Heard of Viet Nam In 1957…, By Terry Catchpole
Some possible future Viet Nams

War Hero, By David Chambourt; Illustration by Michael Gross
A short story about a future war in which no actual conflict takes place and soldiers are maimed by surgeons so they can be sent home as “heroes”

Printout, By Hugo Flesch; Cover photograph by Leonard Soned
“The Magazine Written by Computers for Computers”–A general interest magazine for computers featuring interviews, news, letters from readers, jokes, and personals ads (“IBM 460 series computer, well-programmed, seeks input/output with late-model harware. Object, permanent tie-in. Tapes on request. Box 18.”)

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