Your Unauthorized Guide to the Golden Age of National Lampoon Magazine

100. What to Look for in a Family Before Deciding to Marry (by John Hughes?)

August 25, 2006

Q: Hi, I vaguely remember an article from the early to mid seventies about things to look for in a family before deciding to marry someone. I believe that it was written by John Hughes.

A: The answer according to Steve: “The John Hughes Engagement Guide” from the November 1979 (Love) issue. It also appears in the recently published collection “National Lampoon‘s Big Book of Love.” Thanks to Steve and Kit.


I believe that the article that you're thinking of is "The John Hughes Engagement Guide" in the Nov. 1979 Love Issue. It shows what you wife will look like on your 10th anniversary ("Sex Kitten now = Mangy Old Cat"). It also gives you hints about her future health and looks based on her family, and lists the 5 signs of future fat. "Many a man has chosen a girl in light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it."


September 5, 2006 10:37 pm

i dont remember who wrote it, but i remember reading and rereading many times. yes it was the engagement guide. the family was one thing to check out before marrying. other considerations were breast size, under the hood, how to do a pelvic examination without her knowing it, and some other stuff.

—frank hale

October 30, 2006 11:50 am

And if you have trouble tracking down the 1979 Love ish, the article in question is also available in National Lampoon's Big Book of Love. If you can't find it in your local bookstore, it's readily available from Amazon.

—Kit Lively

January 6, 2007 12:23 am

Original material (excluding quoted material) © 1997-2024 Mark Simonson.
Mark's Very Large National Lampoon Site is not affiliated with National Lampoon or National Lampoon Inc.
Click here for the real thing.