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1973, Vol. 1, No. 35
"LAST MONTH'S COVER: Remember it?
...The dog that was going to be killed if you didn't buy the issue?
You people are really incredible. You had us kill that sweet pooch.
And don't for a minute go blaming us. The choice was yours entirely.
We held the gun, but you sure as hell pulled the trigger ...though
there are those among you who did buy three and four issues to take
up whatever slack existed. Those people are to be commended. But
it wasn't enough. It was for everyone to pull his and her share.
And you didn't. We are really overwhelmed by what little regard
you hold for life. You should be ashamed of yourselves. And be punished.
Outside of the edirial you had to read to get to this paragraph,
we couldn't think of anything suitable. If, by some chance, you
didn't read the editorial, go back and read it. Three times. No,
four times. It's hardly punishment enough, but it'll have to do
for the time being. And if the day ever comes when we have all become
policemen, and you are being held hostage by crazed killers who
have their guns aimed right at your semicircular canals and are
yelling to us to throw down our guns or you'll be chasing
your frontal lobes down Sunny Goodge Street, we'll remenber what
you did to that dog. Just remember that.
"COVER: This cover is further
punishment for having us kill the dog on last month's cover."
[The cover illustration, by David Willardson,
is a parody of the old Coppertone ad inwhich a small dog reveals
the untanned bottom of a young girl. Except that the girl isn't
so young and the dog is a guy.]
Editorial, Uncredited; Photograph uncredited
Letters, Uncredited; Illustration by Marvin Mattleson
Mrs. Agnew's Diary, Uncredited [Doug Kenney]; Illustration
by Marvin Mattleson
True Facts, Uncredited; Illustration by Marvin Mattleson
News on the March, Uncredited [Henry Beard]; Illustration
by Marvin Mattleson, Photographs uncredited
Humorrhoids, By Henry Beard; Illustration by Marvin
The I-Hate-to-Fuck Book, By Terry Catchpole; Photograph
by Ronald G. Harris
Try a Little Tenderloin, By Tony Hendra; Photocollages
by Ron Barrett
The Catholic Sex Manual, By Dean Latimer; Illustration
by Marvin Mattleson
Piddle, By P. J. O'Rourke; Illustrations
and photographs uncredited
Foto Funnies, Uncredited; Illustration by Marvin
Mattleson; Photographs uncredited [features Chris Miller and others]
Chastity, Cartoons by Picha
Surprise Poster #3, By Michael O'Donoghue; Photograph
Mother's Little Helper, By Anne Beatts; Illustration
by Anne Beatts; Photograph uncredited
Invisible Robkin in the Girls' Locker Room, Chris
Miller; Illustration by Dick Hess
The Oral Passions of William Howard Taft, By Ed Bluestone;
Illustrated by Gray Morrow and Alan Kupperberg
The Palma Sutra, Doug Kenney; Sculpture by Dick Dulaney
The Kind Men Like, By Michael O'Donoghue; Illustrations
by Malcom and Nancy Fowler
Funny Pages, Featuring "Nuts" by Gahan
Wilson; "Cheech Wizard" by Vaughn Bodé; "Trots and
Bonnie" by Shary Flenniken; "Dirty Duck" by Bobby London;
"The Adventures of Virgil Virgin!" by Ed Subitzky; "Idyl"
by Jeff Jones; and "The Aesop Brothers, Siamese Twins"