Got a question you need answered about the National Lampoon? Send me your questions and I will answer them here as best I can. Keep in mind that I do this in my free time when I'm in the mood. I don't get paid for this. If I don't know the answer (or don't feel like looking it up), I'll say so and throw it out to the readers. If you see an unanswered question here and know the answer, feel free to jump in and answer it yourself using the Comments link. (Please try to be civil. I will promptly delete any comments that I deem inappropriate or out of line. If you don't like it, get your own site. If your question doesn't appear here right away, please be patient. I've got a four-year backlog (both answered and unanswered) that I want to add.

The most recently added questions are at the top of the page. Be sure to check here before sending me a question. It may already have been answered. (Tip: You can use the Find command in your browser to search this page, or use the Search box at the left to search the entire site.)

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117. Any fans of "Bernie X" and/or illustrator Robert Grossman (who did the well-known Nixon-as-Pinocchio cover) know in which issue they came together? According to Mr. Grossman, the picture showed a "long-legged gal holding a pistol disguised as a slab of lox, a taxi visible between her legs coming up [NYC's] Crosby St."

? This has turned out to be a real puzzle. I remember the illustration you are referring to, I have a complete list of Bernie X stories and the issues in which they appear, but none of them has the illustration. This leads me to believe that my list is incomplete. Unfortunately, the Bernie X stories span over ten years (1974 to 1986) and I don't have the time to pore through all those issues to find the one I missed. If I find it, I will let you know. In the mean time, if anyone else knows the answer, please use the Comments link below.

(Posted July 17, 2007, 12:04 PM. Comments: 0.)

116. I'm looking for an old cartoon from National Lampoon (probably 1980-86) that was called "The Interview". It had two panels. 1st panel: "Although a sense of humor is a plus, never attempt to entertain." 2nd panel: "No mater how nervous before an interview, never attempt to calm yourself with alcohol or barbituates." The drawings were hilarious.

? Cartoons are the most difficult to find unless I happen to remember it, and I don't remember this one. Anyone else remember it?

(Posted February 3, 2007, 09:14 AM. Comments: 0.)

115. In reading Gould's 1928 book "Oddities" I found the following insane surreal quote, something like "There are Americans who have the ability to quit their bodies for short periods of time and adopt the forms of fireflies, for the sole purpose of assualting their neighbors." I seem to recall that in the Golden Age of NL I read that quote (and we used it quite often), but I cant find it.

X It appeared on the cover of Best of #4 special issue, lower right corner. (Thanks to Steve for the answer to this.)

(Posted January 30, 2007, 10:04 PM. Comments: 2.)

114. I'm desperately trying to find a copy of a panel cartoon I first saw in a National Lampoon from about 1979 or 1980 (possibly a year or two earlier but I don't think so). It is of a portly English gentleman in a book-lined room on his hands and knees on a Chesterfield sofa performing an actual of solo sexual gratification involving a piece of silverware, with two aghast onlookers exclaiming "Great Scott, it's Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Candlestick". While I realise that these sorts of things can be very hard to track down, I've exhausted every other avenue I can think of so any assistance you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

X Dustin found it: June 1989, page 15. Thanks, Dustin!

(Posted January 30, 2007, 06:50 PM. Comments: 1.)

113. I am looking for a "Cheech Wizard" strip I'm sure was in the National Lampoon; never has this been reproduced anywhere, and even Mark Bode [Vaugn Bode's son] doesn't know about it: I believe it started out with Cheech saying "No matter how hard you shake it, one drop always rolls down your leg". It ended with Belinda Bump saying, "Shit, Cheech, you came in my ear", to which he replied "Yes. little pussy bottom, God hisself spoke to me in my moment of passion and told me to fill your marble-like head wif wisdom". When/what issue did this appear? Or was it published somewhere else?

X According to Carol: "G'day. The Cheech strip in question is titled 'Sperm'. It appears in colour on the back cover of Bode's 1973 comix book SCHIZOPHRENIA. I can't find it in any issue of the 'Poon I've got. The most likely special for it to have appeared in was "Comics" (1974 anthology)but it ain't there either. As it's only two panels, it probably never appeared in NatLamp." Thanks, Carol!

(Posted January 12, 2007, 10:52 AM. Comments: 6.)

112. As far as I know, Zal Yanovsky, former guitarist of The Lovin' Spoonful, had a brief stint as one of the actors in an early incarnation of the National Lampoon touring group. It is my suspicion that he joined in 1971. Do you know anything more about his involvement with National Lampoon and specifically Lemmings?

X Several people have piped up with more information about Zal and his association with National Lampoon and Lemmings. See the Comments link below.

(Posted January 4, 2007, 11:40 AM. Comments: 4.)

111. Do you recall an article about a rash of suicides at the University of Maryland, College Park in the mid-70s where students were jumping off the top of a high rise dorm, Denton dormitory. The National Lampoon did a satire calling them the Denton Divers? I think it appeared around 1975 to 1977.

? I don't recall that one, but if anyone else does, please use the Comments link below.

(Posted November 29, 2006, 09:36 AM. Comments: 1.)

110. Many years ago the National Lampoon ran a poem about doctors. One of the lines (from memory) was: "We're doctors, we're doctors, we'll treat you like cats./We'll cut off your buttocks and wear them like hats." Any chance you can locate it?

X According to Hulka: "It's an excerpt (more or less) from the fake "Yale Medical School Alma Mater" in P.J. the piece "Doctor's Privilege Kit" by P.J. O'Rourke." Thanks Hulka! The issue it first appeared in was May 1975 (Medicine) and later reprinted in the "National Lampoon Treasury of Humor."

(Posted November 29, 2006, 09:31 AM. Comments: 2.)

109. I majored in the Lampoon in college. I remember reading what turned out to be one of the deepest most poignant stories that I have ever read in my life. It must have been around 73-74. It was about a collegiate party during which the lights went out and a baby was lost in the dark. Any ideas?

X According to reader E. Nice, it was probably P.J. O'Rourke's "Ghosts of Responsibility" from the October 1980 (Aggression) issue. See the Comments link below for more info.

(Posted October 24, 2006, 02:23 PM. Comments: 5.)

108. Looking for a copy of the cartoon that has two very looking crazy customers at a bar responding to the Bartender, "Crazy? Heck, no. Why--do we look crazy?"

X The cartoon was by M.K. Brown and appeared in the May 1975 (Medicine) issue. You can also see it on Ms. Brown's website (when you get there, click on "Panel Six" in the list on the left). (Thanks to Bill and Steve for this answer.)

(Posted October 24, 2006, 01:38 PM. Comments: 5.)

107. I am currently pledging a fraternity and need to find the answer to a certain question for a brother so he does not give it to me too badly. He said this quote came from a National Lampoon movie but I could not find it anywhere on the internet and there are too many movies to go back and watch them all again, I just don't have time. The quote is, "And that's...the history...of the blowhole." He told me it's an old teacher who says this and that led me toward Animal House or Senior Trip. If you know, please let me know. I would greatly appreciate it.

? I don't have time to go back and watch those movies either. Maybe somebody else already knows this one and will provide the answer by clicking on the Comment link below.

(Posted October 24, 2006, 10:59 AM. Comments: 2.)

106. Hello, every once in a while I think about the funniest article I've ever read. It was a fictional story about the author going to the airport and picking up two people, one of whom was Sinead O'Connor. A deer was struck, but not killed, so it was strapped to the hood. The vehicle allowed a great deal of heat to escape through it's engine, and the deer was cooked. At some point Sinead decided to flip off oncoming traffic, so she could get show them contempt, before they could show theirs.

? It sounds kind of like a Bernie X story, but I don't know. Maybe someone else will know and post the answer using the Comments link.

(Posted October 12, 2006, 02:34 PM. Comments: 0.)

105. Looking for an issue of National Lampoon where, in a comic strip section, a girl was going to the mall dressed as a tampon.

X According to Carol Wood (of Australia's Pox Girls comix), it was a two-page, full-color "Trots & Bonnie" comic in the December 1977 (Christmas In December) issue. Thanks Carol!

(Posted October 12, 2006, 02:28 PM. Comments: 3.)

104. I recall a contest to guess the date former First Lady Mamie Eisenhower would die. Did anyone actually win the contest?

X "Slazor Gossage" won it. Maybe. See the Comments link for more info. (Thanks Carol!)

(Posted October 12, 2006, 01:49 PM. Comments: 2.)

103. Are you familiar with a one-frame cartoon from an early 1970s issue of NL in which a large man is being suspected as he exits a grocery store. As he looks over his shoulder at his would-be accusers, the caption says something like, "I'm not stealing ripe fruit, it's my colostomy bag".

X Kit says it's a Bud Grace cartoon from around 1985 or 1986. Thanks, Kit! Anyone know which issue?

(Posted October 12, 2006, 01:45 PM. Comments: 3.)

102. I used to read and collect NL quite a long time ago then was forced to get rid of my issues. So sad. Anyway, there was a page in a issue with a scuba diver jumping from a plane with the caption "never dive alone". I thought I had saved that page but cannot find it anywhere. Would you know which issue it was in?

X The poster in question appears on page 74 of of the July 82 'Sports' issue. It's by Wayne McLoughlin. (Thanks to Carol for providing the answer.)

(Posted October 12, 2006, 01:39 PM. Comments: 1.)

101. Do you know if there has been a complete Bernie X compilation assembled?

? I'm pretty sure there isn't, but I would be happy and surprised if there is.

(Posted September 23, 2006, 11:49 PM. Comments: 3.)

100. Hi, I vaguely remember an article from the early to mid seventies about things to look for in a family before deciding to marry someone. I believe that it was written by John Hughes.

X The answer according to Steve: "The John Hughes Engagement Guide" from the November 1979 (Love) issue. It also appears in the recently published collection "National Lampoon's Big Book of Love." Thanks to Steve and Kit.

(Posted August 25, 2006, 11:48 AM. Comments: 3.)

99. I remember a mid-eighties National Lampoon with a comic feature called “When Jesus Came to Our House.” One frame had Christ opening a bucket of KFC and saying, “Take and eat, this is my chicken.” Too much. Any idea what issue that might have been?

X It appeared in the National Lampoon Very Large Book of Comical Funnies (1975). (Thanks to Carol for this answer.)

(Posted August 25, 2006, 11:44 AM. Comments: 3.)

98. I would be delighted to know if anyone remembers a story about - a professor I think, with "instant no recall" or possibly "total no recall". It would have been pretty early- 70 to 73 or so. I think. Lordy lordy, I could have perished chortling.

X Steve nails it: "Rural Free Love" from the November 1972 (Decadence) issue. Thanks, Steve!

(Posted May 3, 2006, 06:45 PM. Comments: 1.)

97. I am searching for a song that was played in the one of the nightclubs (perhaps german in speech). It was a tecno-dance song that a female was singing. The nightclub (which I am not sure what the name of was) was playing this "cut" during the sequence when the parents find the kids in the club/bar and are somewhat lecturing to the kids. Do you know the title of this song?

? I really have no idea. I haven't seen that movie since it was in theaters and only vaguely remember that scene. If anyone else knows, use the Comment link to post the answer.

(Posted January 6, 2006, 08:45 AM. Comments: 1.)

96. I'm looking for which issue had 2 full page comics. One is of 2 blacks taking a load of trash to the dump when a cop makes one of them cover the trash, ending with the punch line of "Somebody threw away a perfectly good n*****" The other comic is of a black girl and boy. The man begs to see undrneath the girl's skirt and ends the comic with "Sho' is a wonder yo guts don't slide out." Can anybody please help with not only the issue but where to acquire it?

X "Jokes from the Old South" from the July 1976 (Down Home) issue. (Thanks Steve O. and B.A.!)

(Posted December 1, 2005, 03:41 PM. Comments: 4.)

95. Who sings the theme song to the Mad Vandal, the one called The Crap Has Been Here And Gone?

? I have no idea. Maybe someone else knows. (If you, dear reader, know, use the Comments link to answer.)

(Posted December 26, 2004, 11:25 AM. Comments: 4.)

94. I am a bartender in Albany, NY and I am into a well knit community of bartenders and bartending historians. There was a book that came out a few years ago called "New Classic Cocktails" by Gary Regan. In the book he mentioned a cocktail with a base spirit of NyQuil. But the rest of the cocktail ingredients were unknown. To my surprise a coworker mentioned a cocktail that was featured some time ago in National Lampoon called the Fuzzy Gator. It consisted of Vodka and NyQuil. After much research on the internet I have come up virtually empty. Can you shed some light on this? anything sound familiar? Or possibly could you lead me in the right direction?

X According to Pete, it was in a comic called "Popular Drunk Hunting" in the June 1980 (Fresh Air) issue. More info in the Comments link. (Thanks, Pete!)

(Posted June 8, 2004, 04:23 PM. Comments: 3.)

93. Do you recall a section of an issue that took off on Outdoor Life/Field & Stream, articles written by Buck "Buck" Buck?

It sounds very familiar, but I can't place it. Perhaps some kind reader will know and use the Comment button to answer it.

(Posted May 25, 2004, 11:02 AM. Comments: 1.)

92. Do you remember a story in one of the issues about a kid who thinks he is dreaming when a woman knocks at his window and takes him on a wild ride in her car ending with him firing missiles at his high school?

That would be "The Spy Who Wore Nothing" by John Hughes from the column "Big John's Couch-time Stories For Men" in the August 1980 (Anxiety) issue. (Thanks again to E. Nice for the answer.)

(Posted March 23, 2004, 02:13 PM. Comments: 2.)

91. I am looking for an editorial that appeared in the True Facts section of the magazine. It was written by some guy in Canada, I think, and he goes on and on about public restrooms and their health risks and how people wouldn't need to use them if they were "regular," etc. Also, what is the name of the story about a geek who ends up as the last man on Earth because he isn't watching the Super Bowl, and has sex with Jaqueline Bisset and Farrah and one other chick?

Thanks to Steve and E. Nice for answering this one. The editorial appeared in the March 1977 (Science and Technology) issue and was reprinted from the Toronto Sun November 12, 1976 edition. The other story was "The Last Man on Earth" by Ted Mann and appeared in the June 1981 (Romance) issue. More details (including a complete transcription of the Toronto Sun editorial) in the Comments link below.

(Posted March 22, 2004, 10:20 PM. Comments: 5.)

90. Who did the song "Back In America" from National Lampoon's European Vacation?

According to the Internet Movie Database, it was a group called Network. More info here.

(Posted March 22, 2004, 10:13 PM. Comments: 2.)

89. I remember my days in college in the '70s, reading one issue of NL with a Bruce McCall-esque pictorial article on train racing. It was hysterical! Do you know which issue this was, and whether the pictures are available online?

It was "Grand Prix Railroad Racing" by Wayne McLoughlin and appeared in the March 1977 (Science and Technology) issue. It's not available online as far as I know.

(Posted March 22, 2004, 10:00 PM. Comments: 0.)

88. Who was "Oznog" who did the meat sculpture in the "Artists and Models" issue (Feb. 1976)?

I have no idea. It's "gonzo"" spelled backwards, I noticed, but I don't know what that means either. Maybe someone else knows about this.

Update: Someone who worked with former NatLamp art director Peter Kleinman recently sent me this explanation:

"'Oznog' was one of several pseudonyms used by Peter Kleinman. He was forever being hounded about not taking too many credits so he created illustrations, photos, and concepts under a variety of fake names. His fake photography credits were 'Lenn Skapp' and 'Paul Davis,' he created cartoons as 'Hamin X.O. Varese' and various other names. Because the magazine was always running so close to deadline, Kleinman had to sometimes knock stuff out overnight just to make it to press."

(Posted March 22, 2004, 09:33 PM. Comments: 0.)

87. I am trying to find a cartoon in which a man is lying in the street with this bizarre face. A man is standing over him waving people off, within the caption, "Stand back! This man has swallowed his nose! It's OK, I'm a sheet-metal worker. Bring me a bucket of water and a catchers' mitt!" It would have appeared between 1973 and 1975.

It sounds really familiar, but I don't know the answer. So far, there is one clue in the Comments link below. Update (12/13/05): It ran in the February 1974 (Strange Sex) issue, page 62. (Thanks to Mike for finding this.)

(Posted March 11, 2004, 03:53 PM. Comments: 12.)

86. Was wondering which issue it was where the puppets were throwing up the peas and grease? I remember that the menu has something on it like, spam, spam, spam, peas, grease, and more spam?

I am drawing a complete blank on that one. I'll toss this one out to the readers. Maybe someone else knows and will use the Comments link to answer.

(Posted March 11, 2004, 03:46 PM. Comments: 4.)

85. Looking for a couple of items/references. One is the Timberland Tales Thanksgiving episode where Constable Tom prepares a rabbit for Thanksgiving , and someone a table proclaims the stuffing as "rabbit eggs." I'm also looking for a single frame cartoon showing two dowager ladies over tea, with the caption, "My God, Ethel! Then what did you do with your tea bag?"

The first one was in the December '82 issue. In the next-to-last panel, Maurice says, "Yeah, da rabbit laid dem jus' before Constable Tom made 'im go to 'eaven." A classic Timberland Tales, for sure. The other one... I don't know. It's pretty tough to track down a one-panel cartoon unless I specifically remember it. In this case I don't, although it does sound vaguely familiar. If someone else remembers it, please use the Comments link.

(Posted March 3, 2004, 08:13 PM. Comments: 1.)

84. Back in the mid to late 70s there was a comic called "Sgt. Nick Penis and the Brass Ball Battalion" that I have never forgotten. I only had the issue for a couple of days when I lent it to a friend that was home sick from school. The jerk threw it out. Memorable line, "The poor boys still count in inches."

It appeared in the February 1978 (Spring Fascism) issue and was written by Ellis Weiner and illustrated by Neal Adams.

(Posted March 3, 2004, 04:27 PM. Comments: 5.)

83. Mark, (if that is your real name), while leafing through some foggy brain cells that are scattered on the basement floor of my parents house, I recalled an article about the origin of ice hockey. Something about how it was a favorite pastime of slaves in the hot days of summer in the master's icehouse. Any clue as to what issue this story is from?

Well, of course it's my real name. Why would you think otherwise? Anyway, I don't know the answer to this. If anyone reading this knows the answer, use the Comments button.

(Posted March 3, 2004, 04:17 PM. Comments: 5.)

82. One of the funniest stories I ever read in the mag concerned a guy who was travelling to to the Far East and, as a joke, some items were planted in his briefcase, his passport was altered and he ended up in a Chinese prison. Eventually his wife and children's pet duck (!) were brought into the story to bring more misery upon the hapless fellow. Would you happen to know what the name of the story is? I have been trying to locate it for years.

I don't remember that one at all. Perhaps someone else does and will use the Comment button to provide the answer.

(Posted March 3, 2004, 04:04 PM. Comments: 3.)

81. On the National Lampoon White Album there is a track called "Fartman." My question is this: The track opens with a exciting fanfare/march piece of music, and continues throughout the track. I have spent almost a year trying to find out where this short piece of music came from? Who composed it? Did it come from a "stock music" collection? There was one other time, on some old TV program, where I heard the music separate from the Rodger Bumpass dialogue. I have the album, and there isn't a hint of a "written by" credit on it. I have checked ASCAP and BMI. Of those two, there is only one single reference to a song called "Fartman," and it is written by Toni Visconti. It's possible that this is the one, but I don't think so. Mr. Visconti wasn't composing and arranging to that level. It's a great Superman-like piece of music. If you have any sources you (or I) could check (someone at National Lampoon would probably know, or could find out), I'd be very grateful. This has been a long time quest now. I know that Howard Stern used the theme (straight off the NL record itself) for his "Fartman" bits, but it's never been released by him, so there's nothing to check and look for a songwriting credit. Someone must know where this little piece of rousing music comes from. Any help or pointers you can provide would be great!

I have no idea, but I would be very surprised if it was written and recorded for the bit on the LP. Most likely it was stock music, especially if you heard the same music in some other context. Incidentally, the script is taken almost word for word from a Foto Funny that appeared in the magazine in the June 1979 (Kids) issue. (If anyone knows the answer to this, please use the Comments link below.)

(Posted March 3, 2004, 04:00 PM. Comments: 1.)

80. I'm looking to find the soundtrack to "European Vacation" but with no joy as yet. The one song I'm looking for is the one when the credits come up called "Back in America" which I think is by a group called Network.

I imagine they did release a soundtrack recording of that when the movie came out, but if so it would appear to be out of print. If anyone reading this has information about it, use the Comments link below.

(Posted February 19, 2004, 09:39 PM. Comments: 8.)

79. I am looking for info about a full page fake ad that appeared in late '70s or early '80s depicted "poor Timmy", who had all sorts of physical impairments (blindness, hairy palms, etc), and ended with "but don't worry, he'll be dead soon." It was purportedly by the Onanist Prevention Society, or something similar.

That piece is not from NatLamp but from the book "Not the bible" written in 1985 by Tony Hendra and Sean Kelly. (Thanks to both Max and Marcel for this answer.)

(Posted February 19, 2004, 09:13 PM. Comments: 5.)

78. I remember reading a story in the '70s about the "Book of Moron." Can you tell me where to find a reprint or copy?

It appeared in "The 199th Birthday Book" (1975). Everything I know about acquiring back issues is on the Where To Find Stuff page.

(Posted February 2, 2004, 08:29 PM. Comments: 0.)

77. There was a artist who used to do pictures for the National Lampoon that were Norman Rockwell-like. Can't remember her name for the life of me. If you know it, do you also happen to know if there is any book of her work?

Her name is Mara McAfee. There was a book of her work published in 1981 called "The Art of Mara McAfee." I've never seen it myself and I don't know how hard it is to find. If you do a search on Google for the title, you will find a number of online book stores which list it.

(Posted February 2, 2004, 08:24 PM. Comments: 4.)

76. I have been trying to track down a Michael O'Donoghue quote. I think the subject was nostalgia, and after lamenting that "they're tearing down all the great old parking lots," he said something like "everything is coming back and then it's going away again... forever."

I haven't heard that one before, so, consequently, I don't know anything about when or where he said it. If anybody else knows the answer to this, please use the Comments link below. In the mean time, here is a link to a page with more MO'D quotes.

(Posted February 2, 2004, 08:19 PM. Comments: 1.)

75. Which issue had in its News on the March section a photo of a B-52 dropping bombs, with caption balloons, "I'm not a B-52" and "We aren't bombs"?

It was in the October 1973 (Banana) issue.

(Posted February 2, 2004, 08:14 PM. Comments: 0.)

74. I once read a comic that was similar to or may have been "The Appletons" in which a preteen seduces a man, teacher, or Mr. Appleton. With a motel key hidden in her vagina she takes him there, gets her cookies, he splits at which time her preteen friends come from hiding in the closet all wanting to get fitted for a key of their own. What comic was this called and where did I see it back in the mid 80's?

Sounds a little too raunchy for "The Appletons." Anyway, I have no idea.

(Posted February 2, 2004, 08:08 PM. Comments: 5.)

73. All I need to know is if the magazine features a sarcastic comic called Mrs. Gipper.

According to Eric (see the Comments link below), that appeared in Rolling Stone magazine, not National Lampoon.

(Posted January 22, 2004, 02:26 PM. Comments: 1.)

72. Which issue had a parody of a chapter of Moby Dick? The parody was one of four parodies of "great literature," or so I seem to recall. The Moby Dick piece (and I forget its title), concerns the chapter where the Pequod meets the Samual Enderby at sea, and the Enderby's captain tells his story. But instead of the captain foretelling the doom of the Pequod, he tells a story about a woman that he met who just turns out to be Captain Ahab's daughter. Anyhow, the final line of the parody is something like this: "Ahab, his monomania again kindled and stoked, scowled, and disappeared below decks." Hint: It had to have been in an issue from the 1970s.

An issue from the 1970s? Yes, that really narrows it down. Fortunately, I happen to recall it. The article I believe you are looking for is "Obligatory Sex Scenes" from the August 1976 (Compulsory Summer Sex) issue.

(Posted January 17, 2004, 03:58 PM. Comments: 1.)

71. I'm looking for an issue in the early 70's (maybe '72 or '73) by either National or Harvard Lampoon that had a section called (I think) "Ask Uncle Bob" in which a young man supposedly wrote in and asked a question about masturbation. In that request and the subsequent reply a number of terms were used for masturbation (spank your monkey, stroke your oar, etc.). I remember that Uncle Bob's answer ended with a request that the young man just lick the envelope next time. Also, there was an issue on flatulence around the same time.

"Ask Uncle Bob" was in the December 1971 (Heart-Warming Christmas) issue. It was part of a comic book parody called "Boy's Romance Comics." The flatuence thing you remember was probably "Terminal Flatuence" by Tony Hendra, Sean Kelly, and John Weidman from the May 1975 (Medicine) issue.

(Posted January 10, 2004, 10:50 AM. Comments: 5.)

70. You might remember the cartoon that proceeds something like below, which appeared in the early to mid '70s sometime. Any idea where I might be able to find an image of this cartoon?

Cartoon goes like this:

(man and woman sitting up in bed)

woman: Y'know what I dig in a man? Tenderness...and lots of strength! I want a guy who's gorgeous, but not stuck up about it. Have lots of money but not be tight with it...

man: (looks puzzled and rolls eyes during her spiel)

woman: I want him to be intellectual, but rugged! Manly and protective, but lets me do whatever I want. Sweet and romantic but tough. Lets me knows his feelings but doesn't tell me anything I don't want to hear....

man: Hey, you find a guy like that and I'll fuck him!

It sounds like a Foto Funny but I can't place it. I looked through several years of issues, but no luck. Maybe someone else knows and will click on the Comments link below and provide the answer.

(Posted January 9, 2004, 12:42 PM. Comments: 4.)

69. What issue of National Lampoon had a feature interview with Mel Brooks and a photo of his head as a bust in chopped liver?

It was in the July 1975 (3-D Entertainment) issue. The article was called "Mel Brooks is God," by Gerald Sussman.

(Posted January 9, 2004, 11:52 AM. Comments: 1.)

68. I recall an issue of either National Lampoon or Harvard Lampoon with a wonderful parody of the New York State Bar Exam. I rembmeber it vividly, although it must have run 20 or 30 years ago. But I don't recall the year or the issue.

It was in the August 1975 (Justice) issue of National Lampoon. The authors were John Weidman and Tony Hendra.

(Posted January 5, 2004, 03:48 PM. Comments: 3.)

67. I'm looking for an issue that came out in the early to mid eighties. It featured a collection of ultra-shady characters from the Dick Tracy comic books that never made it to print. If I remember correctly, the artist had supposedly created them after a long night of excessive drinking. The characters were so hysterical that to this day, I still laugh out loud whenever I think about them. Would you happen to know which issue that was?

The article was called "The Unpublished Enemies of Dick Tracy," written by John Weidman and Ron Barrett It appeared in the May 1982 (Crime) issue.

(Posted January 5, 2004, 02:57 PM. Comments: 2.)

66. Do you recall a cartoon in an early '70s NL where a father takes his son hunting, they slaughter hundreds of ducks, the father abuses the son, and then in the morning shoots himself? Was this in the NL? What issue?

You know, that sounds more like Field & Stream to me, but it could have been National Lampoon. Unfortunately, I don't remember it. But perhaps someone else does. Update: And, in fact someone does. It was called "Trespassers Will Be Violated" by Doug Kenney and appeared in the August 1975 (Justice) issue. (Thanks to Steve Orr for the tip.)

(Posted December 22, 2003, 05:35 PM. Comments: 6.)

65. Please tell me what issue "The Mutant Insect of Job Disparity" appeared in. I want to buy it somehow.

It sounds wonderful, but I have no idea.

(Posted December 22, 2003, 05:26 PM. Comments: 2.)

64. According to Matty Simmons' "not-so-thorough" account of the National Lampoon magazine, Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm creator Larry David was once a contributer. Also, I read from a bio that Jack Handey started Deep Thoughts at the Lampoon. Do you or anybody out there know which NL issues includes either of the two?

I can confirm that "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey appeared in NL in at least three issues: April, October, and November 1984. There was a complete staff change after that. I don't know if it ever appeared again. He also wrote a few other pieces for the magazine around the same time.

I don't know about Larry David, though. If he did write for NL, it was after the mid-'80s. Maybe Simmons was thinking of Al Jean, the long-time writer for The Simpsons, who was a regular contributor to the magazine in the early '80s.

Update: Thanks to Michael Simmons, who was a NatLamp editor in the mid to late '80s, Larry David did write one story for the magazine. (See his comments, below.)

(Posted November 25, 2003, 03:56 PM. Comments: 8.)

63. In about 1975 I caught a NL Touring show at Ottawa's National Arts Centre as a lad of 15. I'm pretty sure it was before the beginning of SNL, and it had Belushi, Radner (they did an visciously physical sketch of "Rhoda Tyler Moore" as an effervescent blind Rhoda with Belushi as a torturous boyfriend), and possibly Chevy Chase... Also, there was a musical sketch about Patty Hearst ("It's my fault, I'm a female fag"). Can you confirm who the castmembers were for this show? This has always haunted me.

According to Michael Simmons, who was involved in the show, it never played in Ottowa. Click on the Comments link below for more info.

(Posted November 18, 2003, 09:04 PM. Comments: 7.)

62. I have been searching for a cartoon I saw but have been unable to find in any of my issues. The scene is of a typical office setting, 2 guys at in front and behind a desk, company name is "____ Children's Book Publishers." The caption is "We're letting you go Jones, Your work's not worth doo-doo." Ring any bells?

It sounds kind of familiar, but one panel cartoons are the tough. Either I remember them or I don't, and this one I don't. If anybody else remembers this one, click on the Comments button and let us know.

(Posted November 11, 2003, 07:30 PM. Comments: 0.)

61. Can you tell me what issues of National Lampoon contained 1) a hilarious chinese restaurant menu parody and 2) a comic book parody featuring Sherlock Holmes?

No and no, but if anyone reading this knows the answers, please use the Comments link to post the answer.

(Posted November 11, 2003, 07:19 PM. Comments: 13.)

60. I thought that in the high school parody issue the magazine did an interview with "Tony Redunzo-makeout artist". Do you know if that parody was indeed done in that issue?

I thought it might be "The Loves of Tony Romaine" from the February 1982 issue. It's supposed to be the transcript of of one of the tapes which formed Tony's personal diary in which he describes himself as "the best-loved lover on Long Island". But the guy who asked this question says that's not it. 11/11/03 Update: Jay comes through again: It was part of "Third Base, The Dating Newspaper" from the April 1972 (25th Anniversary) issue. It also appeared in the National Lampoon Best of #3 (1973) and, according to Jay, will be included in the forthcoming anthology "National Lampoon's Big Book of Love" in February 2004.

(Posted November 10, 2003, 04:51 PM. Comments: 4.)

59. I am trying to find the centerfold of an issue that as published sometime between May and December 1982. It featured a Strawberry Shortcake and a Smurf. At this point, I would be happy to know which issue it was in. Any ideas?

It was "Smurfery Rhymes" by Sean Kelly and Rick Meyerowitz in the September 1982 (Hot Sex) issue.

(Posted November 10, 2003, 04:43 PM. Comments: 6.)

58. I remember a cartoon from '76, ' 77, ' 78 ?? which showed 3 ways to put on a sales presentation. One was to be clean cut and professional, one was to come in acting like a clown, and one was to give BJs under the table. What issue was that in?

11/11/03 Update: It was the December 1975 (Money) issue. The article was called "The National Lampoon Guide to Effective Salesmanship" by Tony Hendra and Gerald Sussman, illustrations uncredited. (Thanks to Jay.)

(Posted November 5, 2003, 10:17 PM. Comments: 7.)

57. Do you recall every seeing anything in Lampoon with the title something like "Obscuration of the Subhermesic Lemia" This was a phony medical article that had all of these bogus medical terms to show how ridiculous medicalese could be. Someone showed me this awhile back and I haven't been able to find it or the correct title.

Doesn't ring a bell.

(Posted November 5, 2003, 10:04 PM. Comments: 4.)

56. At the end of the brilliant film Animal House the main characters are shown as occupying various positions of responsibility several years after their debacle at Faber College, e.g. Bluto ends up a senator, Otter a doctor, Pinto the editor of National Lampoon. Is this a clever spoof, or is the film based on true stories, so that there really is/was a Senator Blutarsky, etc?

Are you kidding? It's all a fiction, though it's based loosely on the college and/or high school experiences of the three writers, Harold Ramis, Chris Miller, and Doug Kenney--particularly the last two.

The character "Pinto" is based on two different earlier characters which appeared in National Lampoon: First, his "real" name in the movie--Larry Kroger--is also the name of the "owner" of the National Lampoon 1964 High School Yearbook Parody, the creation of Doug Kenney and P.J. O'Rourke. Larry Kroger (in the yearbook parody) is clearly Kenney's alter ego, and Kenney did, of course, become an editor of National Lampoon. (Initially, the movie was to be set in the high school of the yearbook parody, until they decided to incorporate Miller's material--see below.) Kenney's "First Lay Comics" (from the February 1974 issue) and "First High Comics" (from the January 1975 issue) were also adapted for scenes in the film.

Larry Kroger's nickname in the movie, "Pinto," was originally the nickname of the protagonist in several short stories by Chris Miller, "The Night of the Seven Fires" (from the October 1974 issue) and "Pinto's First Lay" (from the September 1975 issue). (There was also a third story: "Good Sports" in the December 1989 issue.) These stories were based on his frat-house days at Dartmouth College, and the "Pinto" character, always referred to only by nickname, is presumably Miller's younger self.

Kenney's "Kroger" and Miller's "Pinto" are melded into one character in Animal House, freely adapting the two writers' works into one story. Some of the other characters also came from the yearbook parody (e.g., Faun Rosenberg) and Miller's stories (e.g., Otter). Not sure where Blutarsky came from other than Belushi himself.

Both Kenney and Miller had small parts in the film as members of the Delta House fraternity--Kenney played "Stork" (the nerd) and Miller played a suave-looking guy named "Hardbar."

(Posted November 5, 2003, 07:43 PM. Comments: 1.)

55. I'd like to find the issue that had a piece called "The Rigging of a Ship". It was early '70s - that much I'm sure of.

That appeared in The National Lampoon Encyclopedia of Humor, 1973.

(Posted November 5, 2003, 04:39 PM. Comments: 2.)

54. Do you recall which issue had the "clowing around with tits" photo? Also, the story about dog-fishing?

"Clowning Around with Tits" appeared in the February 1976 (Artists and Models) issue, and "Dogfishing," by Gerald Sussman, appeared in the April 1976 (Sports) issue.

(Posted November 5, 2003, 03:55 PM. Comments: 2.)

53. I'm looking for the Hemingway parody of a Nick Adams story where a guy gets locked inside a sporting goods store at night. I can't recall exactly when it was as I read my brother's hand-me-down issues before I started buying my own. I'd say most likely '79-'84.

11/5/03 Update: "The Sun Also Sets" by Joey Green in the November 1982 issue. (Thanks to Jay.)

(Posted November 5, 2003, 01:19 PM. Comments: 4.)

52. I have question regarding the live tour, specifically regarding who was in the troupe in the spring of 1978. I have a ticket from this tour and I would like to know who was involved.

Most likely, the ticket stub was from either the touring "That's Not Funny, That's Sick!" or the subsequent and short-lived "If We're Late, Start Without Us". Both shows, at various times, featured the actors Roger Bumpass, Sarah Durkee, Didi Dobbs, Mark King, Eleanor Reissa, Wendy Goldwyn, Andy Moses, and others. (A big thanks to Sarah Durkee for the info. Incidently, Sarah married NatLamp music director Paul Jacobs and was involved in a number of Lampoon projects and, more recently, PBS kids' shows with other Lampoon veterans including Henry Beard, Christopher Cerf and Sean Kelly. Also, if anyone reading this happens to know whatever happened to any of the other actors that appeared in the live shows, drop me a line.)

(Posted December 8, 2000, 04:22 PM. Comments: 2.)

51. I am looking for an episode of the cartoon Timberland Tales where the kid [Maurice] goes to see Santa Claus, and he thinks Santa has leprosy when his makeup melts.

It was Timberland Tales, by B. K. Taylor, in the December '83 (Holiday Jeers!) issue, page 95.

(Posted February 15, 1999, 04:18 PM. Comments: 1.)

50. Do you happen to know which issue had a cartoon that showed various furry woodland creatures in and around trees, each with a thought balloon over its head that said, "...and God created squirrel in his own image," "...and God created rabbit in his own image," etc., etc.

It appeared in the October '74 (Pubescence) issue on page 91 and was by cartoonist S. Harris.

(Posted February 15, 1999, 04:16 PM. Comments: 0.)

49. Do you recall a National Lampoon feature from the early 1970s (I think) that outlined the threat posed by the Netherlands ("Dutch treat means no treat at all")?

The piece, titled "Americans United to Beat the Dutch," was written by Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf, first appeared in the April '73 (Prejudice) issue and was reprinted in the anthologies National Lampoon The Best of No. 4 (1974) and the "National Lampoon Tenth Anniversary Anthology" (1979). You may also be interested to know they did a bit based on the article on the Radio Hour in 1974 which was performed by Beard and Cerf.

(Posted February 14, 1999, 04:13 PM. Comments: 3.)

48. I remember an issue from 1975 (?) that had a story about kids in a driver's education class. I remember a character called Uncle Buckle the Safety Buffalo. Can you tell me which issue this story was in?

Pretty good guess. It was the April '75 (Car Sickness) issue, titled "Driver's Ed" written by P.J. O'Rourke; produced and directed by Peter Kleinman.

(Posted February 10, 1999, 04:09 PM. Comments: 13.)

47. I have been trying to find the issues that featured the "Wile E. Coyote vs. Acme Corp." trial. It was a very funny trial of the Acme Corp selling defective products. I believe it ran in the late '70's early 80's and it was at least three parts.

The title was "Cliff-Hanger Justice," by Joey Green. It ran in three parts in the August, September, and October '82 issues.

(Posted February 3, 1999, 04:08 PM. Comments: 2.)

46. I don't get it about the "Panic Button." It didn't send me anywhere except further down the same page. My cubicle-mate said it might be some sort of joke or it's just not working right. I'm taking a hell of a chance here, surfing on company time, and probably so are a lot of other people, although I didn't see one of those counter-things on your page. So, Ed, my cubicle-mate, and I have decided not to bookmark your page because it's just too chancy. Don't e-mail me back if it starts working, either, because they snoop your e-mail around here. (They're bastards, I mean it! I'm deleting this the minute I send it.) I'll check back occasionally when the snoops are on lunch break. I hope you'll understand that I can't use my real name. And that's not my cubicle-mate's real name, either.

Don't panic. Yes, it's just a joke. There is no "Panic Button." I meant to put one on every page when I first created the site, but forgot about it. I noticed much later that I had forgot to implement it, I added the explanation as a cop out. It's my favorite kind of joke: the logical paradox. Is it true or not? No way to tell from reading it. I hope you didn't really fall for it and that you won't get in trouble from me replying to you, whoever you are.

(Posted January 24, 1999, 04:06 PM. Comments: 0.)

45. I remember reading a story about a family celebrating Thanksgiving.

The story you're looking for was "Thanksgiving Memory" by Chris Miller which appeared in the July '74 issue. Supposedly, the magazine got in trouble with Miller when it printed his draft before he was finished with the piece. It was a while before he appeared in the magazine again.

(Posted January 10, 1999, 04:01 PM. Comments: 3.)

44. I am trying to find out what issue of National Lampoon had the article "My Cousin Jesus." I think it was in 1970 or 1971?

Good guess. It was titled "My Cousin Jesus Christ... a Boyhood Remembered by Moishe the Greengrocer as told to Dick Scharp," written by John Boni. It appeared in the December '70 (Christmas) issue.

(Posted January 2, 1999, 03:59 PM. Comments: 1.)

43. Do you remember a paperback parody of Lord of the Rings entitled Bored of the Rings? I seem to remember a vicious little parody, beautifully written, perfect cover art. At the time (late 70's) I thought that the book came from National Lampoon but I'm not sure.

Bored of the Rings was published in 1969 by the Harvard Lampoon. It was written by Doug Kenney and Henry Beard, two of the three founders of National Lampoon, the summer before the magazine was launched.

(Posted January 2, 1999, 03:54 PM. Comments: 2.)

42. Which issue had "Buy This Magazine or We'll Shoot This Dog!" on the cover?

That was the January '73 (Death) issue. In the following issue, they claimed they did shoot the dog, laying the blame on all those heartless people who didn't buy the magazine.

(Posted January 2, 1999, 03:49 PM. Comments: 4.)

41. What the hell does "like a Mongol burning hot for cotton" mean? Henry Rollins quoted it at a press conference, said it was from NL circa 1975 and said he still had no idea what it means.

The reference is from an article by Ted Mann titled "Temptations to Actual Sin: ALL MORTAL SINS! ALL AGAINST THE HOLY GHOST! Guaranteed to: Put You in the Power of the Devil! Result in Temporal and Eternal Punishment! Deprive You of Sanctifying Grace!". It appeared in the February 1981 (Sin) issue. There are a number of lewd photos of women with word balloons. One of them reads: "I'm going to tempt you to reject the known truth. In fact, if you'll say two plus two equals five, you may take me from the rear like a brutal Mongol burning for coition."

The only mystery now is where the hell did Mann come up with it? (Thanks to Wendell Evans for putting me on the right track on this one.)

(Posted November 28, 1998, 03:42 PM. Comments: 0.)

40. I'm looking for an article called something like "Dr. Fun's Magic Show."

"Magic Show" by Chris Miller appeared in the July '75 (3-D/Entertainment) issue.

(Posted October 29, 1998, 03:39 PM. Comments: 1.)

39. Who did the recurring "Evil Clown" comics series back in the eighties?

"Evil Clown" was written by Nick Bakay and illustrated by Alan Kupperberg.

(Posted October 26, 1998, 03:37 PM. Comments: 1.)

38. Do you recall who did "The Deeds of Hercules Amongst the North Americans" cartoon?

That would be Mark Marek, who also did "New Wave Comics" prior to the Hercules series.

(Posted October 16, 1998, 03:35 PM. Comments: 0.)

37. I want to know if they ever released or plan to release a video of the "Lemmings" show on video.

The most recent issue of National Lampoon carries an ad for a videotape of Lemmings for $49.95. (Thanks to John Hyde for pointing this out to me.) (Update 3/2001): They also appear to be selling this tape on the official National Lampoon site.

(Posted October 10, 1998, 03:32 PM. Comments: 0.)

36. Do you have any info on "Disco Beaver From Outer Space"--who, what, where, why?

(Updated July 2005) My previous answer to this question was so full of corrections and corrected corrections that I decided to start over. What follows is (knock on wood) definitive: "Disco Beaver From Outer Space" was produced for HBO in 1978 and aired in 1979. It featured performances by Lynn Redgrave (special guest star), Rodger Bumpass, Peter Ebling, Alice Playten, James Widoes, Lee Wilkof, Michael Simmons and Slewfoot (a C&W band), Sarah Durkee, Tony Hendra, and Sean Kelly. It was produced by Tony Hendra and Matty Simmons was executive producer. It was directed by Joshua White, written by Peter Ebling, Jeff Greenfield, Ted Mann, Harry Shearer, and John Weidman, with songs by Peter Ebling, Sean Kelly, and Tony Hendra. The title song "Disco Beaver From Outer Space" was performed by Alice Playten. Numerous outdoor shots were filmed on location in New York City. (Sources: Michael Simmons, Matty Simmon's book "If You Don't Buy This Book, We'll Kill This Dog!", Mike Galos, and Guy H.)

(Posted October 9, 1998, 03:30 PM. Comments: 15.)

35. I've been looking for a copy of the magazine (ca. 1970) that had a lampoon of the US Congress, a cartoon called "How a Bill Becomes Law" that was a take off on an old high school civics text book. Can you provide at least a citation so I know what issue I'm looking for?

That item first appeared in the August '72 (The Miracle of Democracy) issue as part of a piece titled "The Miracle of Democracy" by Doug Kenney and Bruce McCall. It was also reprinted in the anthology "The National Lampoon Best of #4" (1973) and the June '85 (Best of Doug Kenney) issue.

(Posted September 20, 1998, 03:07 PM. Comments: 0.)

34. Years ago--the late 70's or maybe 80-81 but no sooner--I read a flow chart that described how to write a country song..ie: my truck...my dead dog...ran away with my wife etc...

(Updated) It doesn't ring a bell... Sorry. One reader has suggested that it appeared in Mad magazine.

(Posted September 4, 1998, 03:03 PM. Comments: 1.)

33. Ten or more years ago I read a comic strip called Mr. Vengeance in National Lampoon. I don't know if this was a recurring feature, or a one-time piece. This particular item involved Mr. Vengence getting "really mad", showing up somewhere with an "intestine necktie", and that including making people he didn't like watch the "Care Bear Movie."

"Mr. Vengeance" was written and illustrated by Buddy Hickerson and ran for many years during the '80s. It usually appeared in the Funny Pages section of the magazine. The one you're looking for is a special full-color feature from the Nov. '85 issue (The Mad As Hell Issue). Hickerson also contributed other strips and did some feature illustrations.

(Posted September 4, 1998, 03:01 PM. Comments: 5.)

32. I was wondering if you knew in which issue the story "The Sunshine Room" (or it could be "Our Lady of St. Pistacio") written by NatLamp editor Larry Sloman appeared.

I looked, but couldn't find it. Sloman became editor with the December '84 issue and wrote for the magazine at least through the early '90s. I checked issues back to '77 and I didn't see anything by him before he was editor. Sorry. (Know the answer to this question? Use the Comments link below and take a shot at it.)

(Posted August 29, 1998, 02:48 PM. Comments: 0.)

31. Who was the male centerfold in the Harvard Lampoon's 1972 parody of Cosmopolitan?

Henry Kissinger.

(Posted August 29, 1998, 02:43 PM. Comments: 0.)

30. Do you know anything about the movie "O.C. and Stiggs"? I know ABC distributed it, but I can not find it anywhere. Also, in which issues did the O.C. and Stiggs appear?

The O.C. and Stiggs movie, written by NatLamp editors Ted Mann and Tod Caroll and directed by Robert Altman was released in 1985. It was not produced as a National Lampoon movie even though it was based on articles that appeared in the magazine. NatLamp publisher Matty Simmons was not interested in it as a movie and allowed Mann and Caroll to try to get it produced on their own, which they did.

O.C. and Stiggs first appeared in the July '81 (Endless, Mindless Summer Sex) issue in two articles, "Summer Fun with O.C. and Stiggs" and "Some Real Stupid Guys That O.C. and Stiggs Know Go to the Beach." They also appeared in "The O.C. and Stiggs Annual Gash Report 1981" in the February '82 (The Sexy Issue), "The O.C. and Stiggs Guaranteed Method of Porking the Vice-President's Wife" in the June '82 (Do It Yourself) issue, and, finally, there was a special "O.C. and Stiggs" issue in October '82 (The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs).

(Posted August 6, 1998, 02:31 PM. Comments: 7.)

29. Is there any chance someone has published a collection of the Letters to the Editor section? For me, that was the best part of each issue. Remember the one from the two Moslems with a bazooka on the roof of the Beirut Hilton?

Believe it or not, I don't remember that one. Anyway, National Lampoon published a collection in 1973 as a paperback called "Letters From the Editors of National Lampoon." This is the only collection I'm aware of.

(Posted August 3, 1998, 02:24 PM. Comments: 2.)

28. The best ad parody I ever saw in National Lampoon showed a floating Volkswagon Bug in the water with the caption "If Teddy Kennedy drove a Volkswagon, He'd be President Today." Where did that appear?

That was in the National Lampoon Encyclopedia of Humor (1973). It's listed in the contents page (under D) as "Doyle Dane Bernbach" and was written by Anne Beatts. If you buy a copy of this issue, you may find the ad is missing. As a result of a lawsuit by VW over the ad for unauthorized use of their trademark, NatLamp was forced to remove the page (with razor blades!) from any copies they still had in inventory (which, from what I gather, was about half the first printing of 250,000 copies) and all subsequent reprints. For what its worth, Ted Kennedy didn't sue.

(Posted July 20, 1998, 02:21 PM. Comments: 3.)

27. One of the funniest things I ever read was "Night of the Seven Fires" by Chris Miller. Which issue was that in?

That appeared in the October '74 (Pubescence) issue. By the way, that story was partly the basis for the movie "Animal House," which was co-written by Miller, Doug Kenney, and Harold Ramis.

(Posted July 5, 1998, 02:19 PM. Comments: 0.)

26. I perused your issue guides and I can't seem to locate any references to "Dinah's Dumper." It was Dinah Shore on the crapper with Burt Reynolds and a bunch of talk-show type celebrities standing around kibbitzing. Was this one of the "surprise posters"?

(Updated) It was and it appeared in the April '77 (Ripping the Lid Off TV) issue.

(Posted July 5, 1998, 01:40 PM. Comments: 0.)

25. I remember an issue with JKF on the cover.

That would be February '77--"Grand Fifth Term Inaugural Issue: JFK's First 6,000 Days" which featured a silver-haired JFK on the cover. The whole issue was a big "what if..." about how things might have turned out had the assassin's bullet missed JFK and hit Jackie instead. A very good issue--neatly deflates the Kennedy myth: US steers clear of Vietnam, but ends up in Northern Ireland instead.

(Posted July 2, 1998, 01:37 PM. Comments: 0.)

24. I recalled a very favorite NL which had a story "Fear and Loathing in the First Grade." Any help or directions you can send me are much appreciated.

(Updated) That story appeared in the March '84 issue. (Thanks to its author, Mat Jacobs, for the answer.)

(Posted June 9, 1998, 01:36 PM. Comments: 0.)

23. Do you recall a poster book published by the National Lampoon that included Mona Gorilla, The Presenting of the Bill at the Last Supper, Guernixa, and the Sistine Chapel Floor?

It was called "The National Lampoon Art Poster Book" and it was fairly large format (15" x 11"), published in 1975 by Harmony Books.

(Posted June 3, 1998, 01:34 PM. Comments: 0.)

22. I am looking for the issue of the National Lampoon (I think it was in the '80s sometime) which has an article called "Let My People Go--Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk." It was the Book of Exodus written as if it were a Three Stooges episode (Moses, Curly and Larry leading the Israelites out of Egypt). It was perhaps the funniest thing I had ever read, and I have been looking for it for some time.

"Let My People Go, Nyuk-Nyuk-Nyuk!" appeared in the February 1984 issue of National Lampoon and was written by T.J. Englander.

(Posted June 3, 1998, 01:32 PM. Comments: 1.)

21. Does National Lampoon have a homepage?

(Updated 3/2001) Yes. See question #20.

(Posted May 31, 1998, 01:30 PM. Comments: 0.)

20. How do I get in touch with the company that owns/publishes National Lampoon? Is it still possible to subscribe to it?

(Updated 3/2001) It's no longer being published, but they do have a website at www.nationallampoon.com.

(Posted May 27, 1998, 01:28 PM. Comments: 0.)

19. Would you know who did the old cartoon "Timberland Tales" for the Lampoon? I couldn't find it mentioned in your "issues" notes.

That would be B .K. Taylor.

(Posted May 13, 1998, 01:25 PM. Comments: 0.)

18. I've wondered for years and years what ever happened to Danielle, the Foto Funnies lady.

According to Matty Simmons' book (Buy This Book or We'll Shoot This Dog) she got married and moved to Connecticut. There was also a Foto Funnies farewell to her in the magazine when she left, though I don't know the exact issue (it was around '79 I think).

(Posted May 7, 1998, 01:23 PM. Comments: 0.)

17. The Library of Congress lists a reference to "Index to the National Lampoon by Michael Hoy (Loompanics), first four years only." Have you heard of it? I was wondering if you know Michael Hoy, or if you had any assistance from him or "Loompanics Unlimited"?

Don't know him, but I have heard of Loompanics Unlimited and the Index. In the early '70s, they used to run a small typewritten ad in the back of National Lampoon offering it. I get their catalog occasionally which seems to specialize in subversive literature, but I've never seen the Index for sale in it.

(Posted May 5, 1998, 01:21 PM. Comments: 0.)

16. Can you tell me where 'Kit n'Kaboodle' appeared besides June '73 (Violence) issue?

Yes, it also appeared in both the 10th Anniversary Anthology and The National Lampoon Best of #4. It was written by Brian McConnachie and illustrated by Warren Sattler.

(Posted May 5, 1998, 12:55 PM. Comments: 0.)

15. Do you have any information about the cartoonists who appeared in NatLamp during the seventies--Bode, London. et al. Is there a site that displays their talents? How did NL find these artists? Were they paid very well for their creations? I'd like to find out more about the relationships between them and the magazine. It seemed to be a crucial aspect of NatLamp. One I remember seemed to have a penchant for talking gloved hands. What has happened to these artists?

(Updated 10/01) Bobby London, of course, did the comic "Dirty Duck" which ran from 1972 to 1976 (when he was "dumped," according to London). Dirty Duck still runs in Playboy magazine.

London was part of a group called Air Pirates (1971), a project led and instigated by comic artist Dan O'Neill. There was also an Air Pirates Defense Fund which toured comic book conventions (according to London, O'Neill used the proceeds to buy marijuana). Other Air Pirates were: Gary Hallgren (O'Neill's art assistant), Ted Richards, Shary Flenniken, Larry Todd (Vaughan Bode's assistant) and the late Willy Murphy. The Air Pirates were sued by Disney over a comic called "Mouse Liberation Front Comics" for $150,000. The Air Pirates violated the court injunction by reforming as the "MLF" without London and Murphy. By 1979, London was drawing for the New York Times and Playboy. His parents incorporated briefly that year to protect him from the MLF.

He also did syndicated Popeye comics in daily newspapers for several years during the '80s.

There was a Dirty Duck movie created in the '70s featuring Flo and Eddie on the soundtrack. In fact there was a Dirty Duck movie made in 1975 (check it out), but it had nothing to do with Bobby London's characters nor was it authorized by him. According to London (I haven't seen the movie) the plot was swiped from "Fritz The Cat." The late Grateful Dead artist Rick Griffin was used to draw a cigar-smoking duck surrounded by bikini-clad babes strictly for poster art and publicity (there was no cigar-smoking duck in the movie).

London and his wife (1971-1977) Shary Flenniken (creator of "Trots & Bonnie") were brought in by NL editor Michel Choquette. Bobby was from New York and Shary was from Seattle.

Vaughan Bode, who did "Cheech Wizard," died of accidental strangulation in 1975 at the age of 33.

Bode's connection with NatLamp could have been to do with his having been editor of an all-comic tabloid published by the East Village Other, also former home of Michael O'Donoghue one of NatLamp's original editors.

According to Bobby London, a lot of the artists "discovered" by National Lampoon were popular enough at the time to be considered assets rather than discoveries. The page rate was good for the time and fantastic compared to comic books. Virtually all the "underground" cartoonists in San Francisco turned National Lampoon down, vilifying him for joining them--"working for the establishment," "selling out"--and fell over themselves to fill his spot when he was gone.

London has a web site, www.dirtyduck.com. Shary Flenniken put up a web site in 2002, and there is a Vaughan Bode site called Da Vaughan Bode Site . The is also a site run by a guy who sells original cartoon art which includes a few NatLamp cartoonists (Charles Rodrigues, M.K. Brown, Arnold Roth).

 Finally, you are not halucinating--the mystery cartoonist was M.K. Brown, who often featured talking appliances, unidentifiable animals and some characters (species unknown) which looked liked hand puppets, but without the puppet. Very strange (and funny). There is an official M. K. Brown website at http://www.benway.com/mkbrown/ .

(Posted May 2, 1998, 12:51 PM. Comments: 2.)

14. Years ago I read a poem in a National Lampoon magazine about a kid who went to see his grandfather in intensive care. It was probably the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Any idea of the poem I'm referring to?

It's in the April '87 issue. It's a four-page poem titled "Everyone's a Criminal" by Peter Kleinman and illustrated by the well-known cartoonist Gahan Wilson. The poem is about a boy and his father who decide to pay a visit to his uncle Mel who is dying in a hospital. At the end the boy pulls the plug. (It's his uncle instead of his grandfather, but no doubt it's the one you remember.)

(Posted April 30, 1998, 12:36 PM. Comments: 0.)

13. Is National Lampoon still being published?

(Updated) As of November 1998, no. National Lampoon was published at the frequency of one issue per year since about 1993. Before November 1998, the company that owns it (J2 Communications) had to publish at least one issue per year or lose the right to use the "Lampoon" name due to a contractual agreement made with the Harvard Lampoon when NatLamp was first started in 1970. In November '98, the contract was renegotiated. They still collect royalties from Animal House and the other 'Poon movies, and can license the name (for products like Chess Maniac 5000, the "True Facts" books, the Radio Hour Boxed set produced by Rhino, etc.). But they will no longer publish (in fact, the contract bars them from publishing) any new material. Supposedly, they are going to do a web site.

 J2 didn't always own National Lampoon. Matty Simmons, who ran the magazine from the start was forced out in 1990 after a hostile takeover of 21st Century Communications (NL's parent company) by actor Tim Matheson ("Otter" from Animal House) and business partner Dan Grodnik. The magazine had been doing well financially, but they believed it was being mismanaged and that they could do better. Unfortunately they didn't know what they were doing, put the magazine into debt and within a year merged with J2 to avoid bankruptcy. J2 was founded by Jim Jimirro who was head of the Disney Channel in its early days. Before its involvement with National Lampoon, J2 was responsible for "humor" videos featuring Tim Conway (as "Dorf"), Rich Little and others.

If you're interested, the whole story is in Simmon's 1994 book "If You Don't Buy This Book We'll Kill This Dog."

(Posted April 29, 1998, 12:32 PM. Comments: 0.)

12. Do you have any idea where the character of Mr. Mulch first appeared and who was responsible for him?

(Update) He was a character in "Utopia Four Comics" by Sean Kelly, illustrated by Joe Orlando, from the June 1971 (Religion for Fun and Prophet) issue. The comic parody featured four superheroes based on popular counter-culture heroes Buckminster Fuller (Super-Bucky), Kate Millett (Karate Kate), Marshall McLuhan (Media Man), and Charles Reich (Mr. Mulch).

(Posted April 13, 1998, 12:26 PM. Comments: 0.)

11. I've been trying to convince my friends that "Vacation" started out as a short story in the magazine in the 70's. What issue was that in?

The story--which was indeed the basis for "National Lampoon's Vacation"--was called "Vacation '58" by John Hughes and first appeared in the September 1979 (Fall Potpourri) issue. It was also reprinted in the July 1983 (Vacation!) issue to promote the release of the movie.

(Posted March 27, 1998, 12:11 PM. Comments: 2.)

10. There was a movie that appeared on Showtime called National Lampoon's Class of '86. Very funny. Do you know it ? Do you know where I can get a copy?

From Kit Lively (with thanks--MS): "Class of '86" is a performance of the National Lampoon stage show from 1986, and it is very funny. It's basically a collection of skits detailing how crappy the world had become by 1986 (if only they could see us now), sort of from the view point of a couple of hippies who had supposedly been on a severe acid trip since 1966. It's available on Paramount Home Video, and in fact Reel.com has it for sell as well. A new copy will run you $25.99, and a used copy is $8.99.

(Posted March 18, 1998, 12:10 PM. Comments: 0.)

9. Many moons ago National Lampoon published a short story titled "First Blowjob." It was by either Doug Kenney or Ed Subitzky--I don't recall. I've been looking for it for a long time, but with no luck.

That story (by Doug Kenney) first appeared in "The National Lampoon Encyclopedia of Humor," a special issue which was published in 1973. It also appeared in the hardcover "10th Anniversary Anthology" and the paperback anthology "A Dirty Book."

(Posted March 12, 1998, 11:48 AM. Comments: 2.)

8. I use to listen to the National Lampoon Radio hour in the mid-'70s with my brother. We were trying to remember a skit called "The Mad Vandal" and if it was part of the NLRH.

Yes, there was indeed a "Mad Vandal" bit, in fact, it was a two-show serial and was broadcast in June of '74 and was written by Doug Kenney. It was based on the 1964 High School Yearbook parody which had an ongoing gag in which a "mad vandal" terrorized the school by playing practical jokes on students and faculty invariably featuring human excrement. In the yearbook parody, no one knew who it was, but it's apparent that it was the school's principal. In the Radio Hour serial, the Mad Vandal is unveiled in the end.

(Posted January 5, 1998, 11:47 AM. Comments: 0.)

7. I remember a story called "My Vagina" that appeared in an one of the issues. Would you know where I could find this?

That would be the April '79 issue. It is also included in the National Lampoon Tenth Anniversary Anthology (1979). By the way, that story was written by John Hughes, the guy responsible for Home Alone, NL's Vacation, Ferris Bueler's Day Off, etc. I doubt they'll do a movie treatment of "My Vagina" though...:-)

(Posted December 28, 1997, 11:35 AM. Comments: 3.)

6. I am looking for a particular comic that appeared in the Lampoon (I think) during the "golden" years. My husband loves the comic so much that he still laughs over it every time he just thinks about it. As he tells it,it is a picture of an elephant (maybe on a toilet) crying with a caption below that says something like "You would cry too if you had to wipe with your nose."

That cartoon, titled "Mildred," appeared on the "Lad's Laughs" page in the "Boy's Real Life" parody which appeared in the October '74 (Pubescence) issue and was drawn by the ubiquitous Warren Sattler.

(Posted December 23, 1997, 11:32 AM. Comments: 0.)

5. I was at my used magazine supplier and wasn't able to locate the NatLamp issue on Foreigners. It had an article called "Foreigners Around the World." I find no reference to it. Did I imagine it? I think the last time I saw it was in 1976.

"Foreigners Around the World" was written by P. J. O'Rourke and first appeared in the May 1976 (Foreigners) issue. It also was reprinted in the National Lampoon Tenth Anniversary Anthology (1979). (Update) You can also sometimes find it on the official National Lampoon site in the Flashbacks section.

(Posted December 16, 1997, 11:30 AM. Comments: 6.)

4. Are there any resources for ordering reproductions [of the magazine] that you know of?

Not that I know of, but back issues are not hard to find. See the Where To Find Stuff page for more info.

(Posted December 16, 1997, 11:27 AM. Comments: 0.)

2. I am looking for a Chris Miller story, "Telejester", wherein (among other things) Richard Nixon has a large key in his back, and he must be wound up periodically. I think it also appeared in an anthology of Miller's short stories.

(Updated 3/2001) The issue you want is August '73 (Strange Beliefs) issue. I'm not aware of a Chris Miller anthology per se, but it did also appear in the NatLamp anthology "This Side of Parodies."

(Posted November 17, 1997, 11:00 PM. Comments: 1.)

3. I remember a series of stories called "large dangerous things that go fast" and "small dangerous things that go fast" I think Hunter Thompson might have even wrote them. I would love to get may hands on a copy, there is a great story about waking up moonshine blind !

(Updated 3/2001) That appeared in the March '77 (Science and Technology) issue. It was written in a Thompson-esque style. Thompson never wrote for NatLamp. (Thanks to both Joshua Fiero and Kurt Meyer for this answer.)

(Posted November 17, 1997, 11:21 AM. Comments: 2.)

1. Do you remember the album "That's Not Funny, That's Sick!" and where can I find it?

(Updated 8/2002) I do not know where to find copies of the 1977 NatLamp LP "That's Not Funny, That's Sick!" (it was originally issued as an LP, and later on cassette) but it is available on compact disc from Amazon.com.

For those unfamiliar with this album, here is a quick run down:

"That's Not Funny, That's Sick!" was released in 1977 on Label 21 Records. It stars Brian Doyle-Murray, Bill Murray, Christopher Guest and features Richard Belzer, Rhonda Coullet, Gracie Whitebread, Pat Bright, Bob Dryden, George Agoglia, Tony Hendra, Sid Davis, Larraine Newman, Anna Uppstrom, John Dunn, and John Weidman. It was written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Bill Murray, Richard Belzer, Christopher Guest, John Weidman, Bob Tischler, Tony Hendra, Harold Ramis, Doug Kenney, and Bruce McCall; produced and engineered by Bob Tischler. The cover illustration (the infamous double-amputee frog cartoon) was by Sam Gross. Bits include The Dick Ballentine Phone-In Show (Belzer), Listener-Sponsored Radio (Bill Murray), Mr. Roberts (Mr. Rogers parody with Guest and Bill Murray) where he interviews a bass player (my favorite line: Mr. Roberts: Well, we're gonna go to the Magic Kingdom. Bass Player: Ah, no, man. It's too early for me. I gotta drive.), "Height Report Disco" (Bill Murray and Donna Detroit), Humpback Whales with Gas (Hendra), 2015-Year-Old Man (Belzer), Monolithic Oil Corporation Spot, and others. Some of the bits originally aired on the National Lampoon Radio Hour.

(Posted October 30, 1997, 10:37 PM. Comments: 0.)